Stevens Inst. of Tech: how your ungrad will contribute to 21st century

Prompt: Describe how your undergraduate studies might enable you to contribute to improving our quality of life in the 21st century.

This 21st century marks a tremendous change in modern times, where people are making the impossible and the improbable into reality. An engineer in this 21st century is a major benefactor of our dynamic age. Through creative, inquisitive and analytical skills; engineers collaborate together to build astonishing structures, apply new technological concepts for new and even old products or structure, and to innovate the past for creating something new. I believe an undergraduate study in the field of engineering will enable me to grasp the knowledge and skills that an engineer possesses. It will be able to innovate, to renew, and to build on our society in order to help a wide range of people.

Recently I saw the new dynamic architecture concept in which buildings would actually spin. Rotating buildings was developed and conceptualized by collaboration of engineers and architects. In this rotating building, there are turbines which allow for the building to generate power. This is a great innovation of alternative energy systems to create renewable buildings that replenishes the resources that are consumed. This is one example of how engineering is taking on a major role in promoting wise consuming methods. It is crucial that we revive our earth create solutions to challenges which will help many people. Engineering is a service to the benefit of mankind through innovation, invention and conceptualization. I would be honored to provide this assistance to the world.

With an engineering study, I want to change how the world works. I want to build and renew the world in both developed and undeveloped areas. Moreover, I want make the world more positive so that less people suffer. I believe that as a resident of earth in this 21st century, I am responsible for utilizing my time in doing a positive thing for the environment. I believe that engineering is in itself an honorable aspect of our world. I don't take engineering as a job; instead it is something that I would passionate to be a part of every moment of my life. I have a determination, passion and ambition to engineering as I do for being a great asset to the world. I an undergraduate education in engineering will advance me towards fulfilling my obligation to being the greatest asset to the world.

Can someone edit my essay, and errors... problems... any advice
I appreciate it.

Thanks,
Yasin

The impossible cannot be made into reality. Your assertion that this is happening in the 21st century betrays a misunderstanding of the word "impossible."

"Rotating buildings were developed and conceptualized"

Overall, the essay is bland and uninspiring. Pick a specific engineering project you would like to be involved with, and discuss how that project would benefit the world. That would be more interesting than a general overview of why engineering is a worthwhile profession.

Through the application of creativity, inquisitiveness, and analytical skills, engineers collaborate together to build astonishing structures, apply new technological concepts for new and even old products or structure, and to innovate the past for creating something new.

It will be able to innovate, to renew, and to build on our society in order to help a wide range of people. What does this mean?

Rotating buildings were developed and conceptualized by a collaboration of engineers and architects.

It is crucial that we revive our earth and create solutions to challenges which will help many people.

I don't think of engineering as a job, but rather as something that I would passionate to be a part of every moment of my life.

This essay really is going to do well, because your enthusiasm and willingness to work hard seem apparent in the way you write. I think the blandness that Sean mentions comes from a lack of examples... can you give examples for the ideas you convey, and SPECIFIC plans for your future? I think you will have a lot of success with this as you keep working with it.