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Stonybrook Essay - Rising Stars



nybabygrl 1 / 1  
Nov 13, 2008   #1
Raising Stars

Briefly state why you are considering Stony Brook University:


Stony Brook University appeals to me for many reasons. First, when I heard things about the Stony Brook University, such as the fact that it is said to be the most dramatic rising stars, I realized that I wanted to attend this University. After visiting the college several times, I was attracted to Stony Brook University's friendly environment. I immediately was welcomed as I walked around the campus, feeling a sense of belonging. Therefore I am extremely eager to be in an exceptionally pleasant setting. I had decided that Stony Brook University, was the perfect University for me, when I got an invitation to attend the Honors Preview Day. However, this day, further strengthened my decision to go to Stony Brook University. The Honors Program is perfect for me in many ways. I always wanted to be around people who had similar interests, and the same goals as me, and the Honors Program will allow me to be surrounded by such people. In addition, on the Honors Preview Day, I was introduced to the program in Stony Brook University, that would allow me to go to a country, out of a variety of different countries, for a semester. I would be interested in going abroad to learn about various cultures and meet new people. This is once again something that I would love to do, because trying new things and challenging myself, is something I have always loved to do. Every aspect of the Stony Brook University seems to fit my image of a perfect University, and therefore I want to be a part of this dramatic rising star.

EF_Team5 - / 1583  
Nov 13, 2008   #2
Watch the excessive and inappropriate use of commas. For example, "I had decided that Stony Brook University was the perfect University for me when I got an invitation to attend the Honors Preview Day. However, this day further strengthened my decision to go to Stony Brook University." Also, don't use the full name of the university over and over again; it is redundant and makes the essay seem too repetitive.
OP nybabygrl 1 / 1  
Nov 13, 2008   #3
Thank You so much.
I'm sorry for not stating what i needed help with but i was just basically looking for someone to proofread it. Thank you =]


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