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'I did not stop at French and Spanish' - NYU Supplement Essay - Area of Interest


ricka123 5 / 13  
Jan 1, 2012   #1
Hey guys, the NYU deadline is today so I really need urgent help. If you could please edit this for grammar, content, etc. I would really appreciate it.

The plight of a seventeen-year-old language zealot is tragic. Outcast by her peers because she craves grammar, shunned for her love of listening exercises and the like. But this is something I cannot control, a fire I do not wish to extinguish. Language is a means of communication, but more that that it is beautiful, each one with its own identity. French is regal and romantic. Portuguese is poetic, every intonation filled with passion. Dutch is gripping and familiar, a sister to my own. A language is a looking glass into the people that grew it, because it evolves with them. It weeps and rejoices as they do, carries remnants of the past. And, for that reason, is an essential part of culture. Being French club president allowed me to share a bit of my love with my peers by exposing them to French cinema and cuisine, mediums that were a bit more palpable than the passé compose and subjunctive. In NYU, I have found the Promised Land. Like me, the university was not satisfied with the ordinary, the typical. I did not stop at French and Spanish, rather, understood that there was more. NYU stood out to me because it is exactly what it claims: a global university. Through the guidance of renowned professors like Miriam Ayres, Aline Baehler, and Despina Lalaki, I will be able to broaden my knowledge of the world through language. Moreover, the expansive study abroad program will allow me to further immerse myself other cultures.

I feel like the ending is a bit abrupt, but I don't know how to fix it :(
Alicegz 2 / 25  
Jan 1, 2012   #2
Ok, to be honest, you essay was just plain amazing. I loved your colorful descriptions of the various languages and why you love them!

A language is a looking glass into the people that grewgrew made me think of a plant being grown. maybe try "created" or "fostered" it, because it evolves with them

yes, the ending was a big disconnected from the rest of the essay. maybe you can trying doing this:
Moreover, the expansive study abroad program will allow me to not only gain knowledge about more languages, but also to further immerse myself in other cultures.

Good luck!! and I would be so happy if you could look at my common app essay as well!
OP ricka123 5 / 13  
Jan 1, 2012   #3
Thanks for the edits and the ending will be changed! Anyone else?


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