PROMPT: A good story starts with a good beginning. Get us hooked in the first 150 words. (word limit 150-200 words)
I wrote two essays. I think I like the second one, but the first might be a little more suspenseful? I just feel like it might be an overdone topic. Also, Notre Dame is a Catholic school, so I'm worried about doing anything too violent or immoral. Please tell me which is better and edit that one!
ESSAY #1: I felt the heat before anything else. It burned the back of my neck, grazed my shoulders, and scorched the soles of my feet. The dryness of my mouth struck next. It was impossible to swallow, and my throat was scraped with each inhale.
I felt a rocking sensation. My eyes were crusted shut, but I managed to open them as I vomited. My stomach dropped the second I adjusted to the light. I ached for my previous unconsciousness.
The sky was cloudless. The sun was directly overhead, blistering my skin and chapping my lips. The view was the same regardless of the direction I turned my head. I was surrounded by endless water, salty waves calmly lapping at the sides of the small wooden structure-a door, or maybe a legless table-that was solely responsible for keeping me afloat. Nothing interrupted the horizon. My eyes desperately scanned for the reinvigorating sight of land or a boat, but I was utterly alone. My heart began beating fast in my throat, my breathing shallow and too frequent. A scream tried to escape my mouth, but caught in the hoarse dryness.
Where was I? How did I get here? What was I going to do?
ESSAY #2: The boat slowed to a stop, and I smiled as my windblown hair fell about my face. Each ocean wave sprayed salty mist against my skin. The sun threw shades of purple, orange, and pink as it rose on the horizon. I giggled in excitement, pulling my wet suit over my shoulders.
I awkwardly waddled in my fins to meet my father at the back of the boat. He helped as I routinely strapped on all the gear-the weight belt, the BCD vest attached to the air tank, and the air regulator-and I eagerly waited as he did the same. Finally, holding tight to my mask, I jumped.
I stayed afloat on the warm ocean waves for only a moment. Soon I was smiling, regulator in mouth, breathing the clean oxygen, sinking further and further into the deep blue. Fish shimmered as they swam by. My father was underwater, too, and guided my attention to the large opening of a cave in the rocks below.
Colorful coral decorated the area, and mesmerizing creatures were abundant, but the cave held my interest. We'd never explored this abyss. I swam into the mystery.
I wrote two essays. I think I like the second one, but the first might be a little more suspenseful? I just feel like it might be an overdone topic. Also, Notre Dame is a Catholic school, so I'm worried about doing anything too violent or immoral. Please tell me which is better and edit that one!
ESSAY #1: I felt the heat before anything else. It burned the back of my neck, grazed my shoulders, and scorched the soles of my feet. The dryness of my mouth struck next. It was impossible to swallow, and my throat was scraped with each inhale.
I felt a rocking sensation. My eyes were crusted shut, but I managed to open them as I vomited. My stomach dropped the second I adjusted to the light. I ached for my previous unconsciousness.
The sky was cloudless. The sun was directly overhead, blistering my skin and chapping my lips. The view was the same regardless of the direction I turned my head. I was surrounded by endless water, salty waves calmly lapping at the sides of the small wooden structure-a door, or maybe a legless table-that was solely responsible for keeping me afloat. Nothing interrupted the horizon. My eyes desperately scanned for the reinvigorating sight of land or a boat, but I was utterly alone. My heart began beating fast in my throat, my breathing shallow and too frequent. A scream tried to escape my mouth, but caught in the hoarse dryness.
Where was I? How did I get here? What was I going to do?
ESSAY #2: The boat slowed to a stop, and I smiled as my windblown hair fell about my face. Each ocean wave sprayed salty mist against my skin. The sun threw shades of purple, orange, and pink as it rose on the horizon. I giggled in excitement, pulling my wet suit over my shoulders.
I awkwardly waddled in my fins to meet my father at the back of the boat. He helped as I routinely strapped on all the gear-the weight belt, the BCD vest attached to the air tank, and the air regulator-and I eagerly waited as he did the same. Finally, holding tight to my mask, I jumped.
I stayed afloat on the warm ocean waves for only a moment. Soon I was smiling, regulator in mouth, breathing the clean oxygen, sinking further and further into the deep blue. Fish shimmered as they swam by. My father was underwater, too, and guided my attention to the large opening of a cave in the rocks below.
Colorful coral decorated the area, and mesmerizing creatures were abundant, but the cave held my interest. We'd never explored this abyss. I swam into the mystery.
