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'strong communications program' - My Transfer Common App

marino6 1 / -  
Jul 29, 2012   #1
Provide a statement (250-500 words) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.
Hello! This is a draft of my common app. essay. Please be as honest as possible! (I am applying to Emerson which has another supplement essay, so I decided to keep this one non specific about school)

I was seven years old when I first saw the original Star Wars trilogy. From the moment my grandmother pressed play, I was instantly captivated by George Lucas's odyssey in the stars which subsequently changed my life forever. What I had discovered in the Star Wars films was not only an outstanding science fiction story, but the power of my own imagination. From that moment on I began writing my own versions of Star Wars, Harry Potter, or anything else my young mind found exciting. As I got older I began penning original stories and by the time I was in high school I had plans to write even lengthier works of fiction. From a young age, writing quickly became my hobby as well as my passion.

When I entered high school I started to write less frequently. My free time had become occupied by extracurricular activities, sports, and homework. In high school there was never an outlet for me to truly demonstrate my skills as a creative writer, even in English class I often found myself struggling with being told how and what to write by my teachers . Sadly, my own stubbornness cost me success in what should have been one of my stronger subjects and caused me to doubt myself as a writer. By the time I was a senior applying to colleges I had little motivation follow my passion into a higher education. I applied and enrolled into Roger Williams University because it seemed safe, and an appropriate place where I could find myself again. Looking back at my freshman year of college it is safe to say that have rediscovered my lost love, but I have also learned more about myself as a student and what I want out of a university.

I am currently studying political science, but I want to transfer to a school that offers a strong communications program that can help me hone my skills as a writer and properly prepare me for a career where I can utilize these skills. What I also find lacking at my current school is a sense of community both socially and scholarly. To clarify, I feel that I am deprived of a community that shares a sense of camaraderie and academic interest amongst the overall student body and within each of the separate academic departments. I want to be surrounded by students who are as passionate about their studies as I am because it not only leaves my focus uninterrupted, but provides an opportunity for myself and others to work together and grow as students as well as up-and-coming professionals in our respective fields. (ending in progress)

Laura Tale 1 / 4  
Jul 30, 2012   #2
Perhaps in the second paragraph you could make yourself sound even more sophisticated if you changed the third sentence to "As I had always been accustomed to free-writing, I struggled with abiding to the strict instructions given out by my English teachers." Also, in your last paragraph almost every sentence begins with "I..." perhaps inverse it? For instance, for the last sentence it could be changed to "To be surrounded by students as passionate towards their studies as I am allows the focus to be uninterrupted and would further provide opportunities to grow and work together not only as students but also as up-and-coming professionals in our respective fields."

I hope this helps. It's already pretty good.

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