'strong and critical mind' - Brown supplement-why does Brown appeal to me.

Prompt:Please tell us more about your interest in Brown: Why does Brown appeal to you as a college option? Who or what has influenced your decision to apply?

Hi guys, here is my answer to this prompt. How do you think about it?
All comments are welcome!! :)

I always conceive that I am destined to go to Brown. The first time I came across with Brown is on Facebook.com. It was a quiz like "Which Ivy School do you fit". After I answered to a bundle of questions, the result turned out to be ï Brown University. Partially believing the quiz, I did a research about Brown when "applying season" came. I was amazed. Fate! It was fate! Brown surprisingly contained exactly every element I expected to see and try for my college education. If Brown is a girl in my age, then we must be twins. We are liberal and independent, fashion-minded and romantic, active and warm-hearted; we care about what happens around the world, commit to what we pursue academically, and design our life with mixed fun and seriousness. However, I need to learn from her: her strong and critical mind, her true and simple elegance, her attitude towards learning and living, etc. I hope she will be with me in the next four years: helping me, teaching me, enjoying our lives together.

(the maximum is 1000 characters, and these are exactly 1000 characters, lol)

Is this the only reason why you like to go to Brown college? There might be other colleges, which provide students with a liberal environment and which are independent.

You need to give some mature points to show why you want to be a part of Brown.

hera246

Thanks Hera :)

My intended major is only offered by Brown... I talked about it in the next short answer about the academic interest.
So do I need to include that part also in this essay?

No, if you are providing that information to the same people.

This is nice, but needs some cleaning in the grammar department.


'Came across with' is weird. And I'm not sure that a Facebook recommendation is the best way to introduce this thing. Seems a bit shallow for a decision you probably ought to have already been thinking about.

--Overall, I think you're on the right track. It's an excellent idea, but definitely be wary of the Facebook reference. It can easily take on a negative connotation, and that is definitely the WRONG thing to get from an admissions officer. (I really hope I didn't sound like a bully!)

Oh, and definitely bring in something about your major. You want everything in your supplement to connect in some way or another. For me, I used science in each one (in contrast, my Common App essay was more creative and less science-based).

Okay, I'm done rambling now. Good luck! =]

Good comments. I think they're really helpful.

Thank you, Stephen!

I'll probably post my answer to the same prompt as well as another in the next couple of days. It would be really helpful to have your input (when the time comes)!

[Please note that I was, by no means, advertising myself in that. Your answer deserves every bit of attention, and I apologize in advance if I detracted from that in any way.]