Hello, can someone please help me edit this essay for a summer research program at JHU. I would really appreciate any feedback whether it is mechanical errors present in my essay or the flow of sentences.
The prompt is as follows:
Please describe your interest in the Summer Internship Program, Hopkins Postbaccalaureate Research Education Program or Diversity Doctoral Program.
Brazilian lyricist and novelist, Pedro Coelho, once said, "going after a dream has a price. It may mean abandoning our habits, it may make us go through hardships, or it may lead us to disappointment. But however costly it may be, it is never as high as the price paid by people who didn't live." Having said this, I have held on tight to my dream of oqne day becoming a neurosurgeon since I was eleven years old. My interest for a career in the medical field is much greater than any adversity that I have had to overcome and will overcome in the future. For this reason, I am determined to dedicate myself to living a life where every day new knowledge contributes in making me better than the day before. Participating in the Summer Internship program at Johns Hopkins University would help contribute to my dream by helping to refine my critical thinking skills through research. Likewise, being a part of this summer opportunity would enable me to foresee what graduate school would feel like prior to embarking on the long and arduous journey of becoming the best surgeon that I can be.
Over the last couple of years I have had the chance to take part in numerous research experiences, all of which have helped mold my interest in the sciences. For example, as a junior in high school, I was able to conduct research at Lehman College in Bronx, New York. With Dr. Liesl Jones as my advisor, I got the chance to work with brain scans of lab rats observing brain maturation from postnatal ages 14, 28, and 60. Upon completion of the study conducted, I was able to observe the vast difference in development between the scans of the three different age groups being studied. Likewise, I got the chance to present my findings before the science faculty at Lehman College. This was one of the most rewarding experiences primarily because I was able to receive critical feedback from every faculty present. Presenting before the science community at Lehman College also helped me gain more confidence in my work through the process of being able to defend such work. However, something that this experience did not offer me and which the Summer Internship program at Johns Hopkins University does offer is the opportunity to experience graduate school work. Being exposed to a graduate setting would be a transformative experience, as it would enable me to become better acquainted with the knowledge in my field of interest.
Later in my high school career, I got the chance to conduct research funded by NOAA, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, at the City College of New York. In this research experience, I worked along the side of two other students and was advised by Dr. Jose Pillich. Our research consisted in looking at the different socioeconomic issues that lead to the disastrous toll that Hurricane Katrina had on communities adjacent to the Gulf Coast. By employing different analytical and visual sources, such as Geographic Information System , we were able to delineate some of the root causes of the problem with hopes to prevent a similar situation from happening again. One useful skill that I was able to acquire from this experience was that of being able to work within a group. Although working in a group can often help finish the work much faster, it does not mean that it will be easy. The reason for this is because although one person may like something done a certain way another one might not think of it the same way. However, when the group manages to dialogue the problems that may arise, like it was in our case, everything flows smoothly. This skill is one that I would like to bring along with me if selected as a participant of the program.
Furthering my study in Neuroscience by dedicating a substantial amount of time conducting research related to this field will equip me with the necessary skills needed for a career in the medical field. Only this Summer Internship program would allow me to expose myself to what interests me in neuroscience. Conducting Neuroscience research at the Basic Science Institute would also help me become better acclimated with this type of science and try to further understand the functional mechanisms of the brain. Furthermore, exposing myself to research in Neuroscience will also enable me to gain a greater understanding of the human brain from both a molecular and behavioral level. I am sure that this opportunity will open many doors while simultaneously allowing me to work towards obtaining both my PhD and MD degrees.
The prompt is as follows:
Please describe your interest in the Summer Internship Program, Hopkins Postbaccalaureate Research Education Program or Diversity Doctoral Program.
study in Neuroscience
Brazilian lyricist and novelist, Pedro Coelho, once said, "going after a dream has a price. It may mean abandoning our habits, it may make us go through hardships, or it may lead us to disappointment. But however costly it may be, it is never as high as the price paid by people who didn't live." Having said this, I have held on tight to my dream of oqne day becoming a neurosurgeon since I was eleven years old. My interest for a career in the medical field is much greater than any adversity that I have had to overcome and will overcome in the future. For this reason, I am determined to dedicate myself to living a life where every day new knowledge contributes in making me better than the day before. Participating in the Summer Internship program at Johns Hopkins University would help contribute to my dream by helping to refine my critical thinking skills through research. Likewise, being a part of this summer opportunity would enable me to foresee what graduate school would feel like prior to embarking on the long and arduous journey of becoming the best surgeon that I can be.
Over the last couple of years I have had the chance to take part in numerous research experiences, all of which have helped mold my interest in the sciences. For example, as a junior in high school, I was able to conduct research at Lehman College in Bronx, New York. With Dr. Liesl Jones as my advisor, I got the chance to work with brain scans of lab rats observing brain maturation from postnatal ages 14, 28, and 60. Upon completion of the study conducted, I was able to observe the vast difference in development between the scans of the three different age groups being studied. Likewise, I got the chance to present my findings before the science faculty at Lehman College. This was one of the most rewarding experiences primarily because I was able to receive critical feedback from every faculty present. Presenting before the science community at Lehman College also helped me gain more confidence in my work through the process of being able to defend such work. However, something that this experience did not offer me and which the Summer Internship program at Johns Hopkins University does offer is the opportunity to experience graduate school work. Being exposed to a graduate setting would be a transformative experience, as it would enable me to become better acquainted with the knowledge in my field of interest.
Later in my high school career, I got the chance to conduct research funded by NOAA, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, at the City College of New York. In this research experience, I worked along the side of two other students and was advised by Dr. Jose Pillich. Our research consisted in looking at the different socioeconomic issues that lead to the disastrous toll that Hurricane Katrina had on communities adjacent to the Gulf Coast. By employing different analytical and visual sources, such as Geographic Information System , we were able to delineate some of the root causes of the problem with hopes to prevent a similar situation from happening again. One useful skill that I was able to acquire from this experience was that of being able to work within a group. Although working in a group can often help finish the work much faster, it does not mean that it will be easy. The reason for this is because although one person may like something done a certain way another one might not think of it the same way. However, when the group manages to dialogue the problems that may arise, like it was in our case, everything flows smoothly. This skill is one that I would like to bring along with me if selected as a participant of the program.
Furthering my study in Neuroscience by dedicating a substantial amount of time conducting research related to this field will equip me with the necessary skills needed for a career in the medical field. Only this Summer Internship program would allow me to expose myself to what interests me in neuroscience. Conducting Neuroscience research at the Basic Science Institute would also help me become better acclimated with this type of science and try to further understand the functional mechanisms of the brain. Furthermore, exposing myself to research in Neuroscience will also enable me to gain a greater understanding of the human brain from both a molecular and behavioral level. I am sure that this opportunity will open many doors while simultaneously allowing me to work towards obtaining both my PhD and MD degrees.
