Supportive Family - SOP; undergraduate exchange program (USEFP)

Hey there! I've written statement of purpose for entrance into undergraduate exchange program. Please go through it and let me know if some improvement is needed. Looking froward to the kind replies :)

I belong to a very supportive family who has always encouraged me to study and meet my interests and goals. This scholarship would help me achieve my objectives and would make me more self-esteemed as I am very much resolute towards my goals.

I've been interested in mathematics and science from my childhood. This helped me to participate in many science exhibitions held at school. My fascination towards gadgets instilled in me a special interest to opt for electronics engineering. I spend hours in lab exploring and working with number of gadgets related to my term projects. As I'm progressing, my interest is being developed even more towards exploring the new technology.

I've always been trying hard to make myself able to study abroad on merit basis. I'm a hardworking student and very much focused on my goals.

I intend to study in the world's renowned place. Studying in a country with the most advanced technologies like USA can only ensure that the journey in the pursuit of knowledge will not end. Where I believe I can boost up my talent along with the other students; from overseas; by exchanging our thoughts and work with unity and determinedly.

Pakistan is a developing country with a lot of potential in information technology. To serve the need of my country I feel the urge to strive & learn more properly which would turn out to be proficient for me and my country.

I would love to be a part of your academic community & will try my best to prove that I am a hardworking and determined student.

Thank you.

Roonham, this essay is too lighthearted to be an effective statement of purpose. In fact, your purpose for wishing to study in the United States has not been made very clear in this essay. You speak of your family, your desire to study abroad based on merit, and some interests that led to your desire to have a career in Electronic Engineering. However, the true motivation behind the desire to study this course abroad is wanting.

In order to properly address the purpose of this essay you must (1) have an ambition in mind. For example, your purpose for studying in the U.S. would be to gain the proper foundation and early training in the field from MIT, or some other specific school that you wish to attend. Then (2), explain why you feel that you can only gain the kind of academic training that you desire at that school. How does it relate to your professional plans upon your return to Pakistan? These are the purposes for your desire to study abroad.

The reviewer has a need to understand why you would rather study abroad rather than in your country when you have perfectly acceptable universities that offer this major in Pakistan. So you need to make sure that your reasons for wishing to study abroad are much stronger than the simple reasons that you have presented at the moment. You need at least one strong, compelling reason that will convince the reviewer that you deserve to get this scholarship abroad.