SUTD (Singapore University of Technology and Design) application

The essay I write I don't feel quite confident about
can anyone correct me if you spot my grammer mistake ?? thank alot
---------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------
The essay is the place in your application where we will look for your voice - who you are, what drives you, what is important to you and what makes you tick. To allow us to know you better, please describe your personal statement and portfolio including past 3-year experience, leadership and creative achievement in the text box provided below.

---------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------
At the age of thirteen, I drop out from secondary school due to the financial background of my family. I thought that it will be a better choice to work then to study as I can earn enough money to spend as well as giving my family.

I start working as a kitchen assistant and the wages was very little to provide myself for the transportation and daily allowance thus I could not afford to provide my family with sufficient money that I initially planned for. I ended up switching job hoping that I can get a higher salary.

To make thing worst, the financial crisis of 2001 occurred. I ended up being jobless, watching my peers who had graduated with better qualification getting high salary during the time of financial crisis.

From then on I determine to upgrade myself to better qualification so that I can get a stable job and decent salary. I went to register for GCE N level as a private candidate and studied for at home while I am jobless.

I end up passing only 2 out of the 3 subjects which I had registered after then I tried to enroll into Institute of Technical Education (ITE) but was being rejected. After appealing for several times, I was finally being accepted. I told myself I am going to study hard and go to polytechnic. Upon the completion of my course I was awarded with the Certificate Of Merit (COM) and Course Medal from ITE.

After my national service I went on to polytechnic, I worked hard and hope to achieve good result but due to the lack of my basic education I didn't did too well in the 1st year of my polytechnic. I continued to work hard to strive my grades and was later being awarded with the academic progress award and the book prize for Innovation Design & Enterprise in Action (IDEAS) at the 2nd year of my study. Currently, I am working on a robotic trolley as my final year project which require mechanical, electronic and IT skills. During the course of my project, I learned how to lead my team effectively, also learned areas which is out of my scope and applying practical skills which I have learned in the polytechnic and ITE.

I believe that I am creative and hardworking and I will sincerely hope that I will be given a chance to study in the university and continue to work hard for my future.

I think you focused too much on the social life , more details about your ambitions will be halpful

Use the past tense:
At the age of thirteen, I dropped...

I thought that it would be a better choice to work then than to study as I can could earn enough money to spend as well as giving some to my family.

I started working as a kitchen assistant and the wages wage was very ...

To make things wors e, the financial crisis of 2001 occurred.

From then on I felt determined to ..

I ended up passing only 2 out of the 3 subjects...

I believe that I am creative and hardworking and I will sincerely hope that I will be given a chance to study in the university and continue to work hard for my future. The ending is too generic. I thinnk you should show more details and short term goals for your plan. Also, as you practice English, have an English speaker help you with your use of the PAST VERB TENSE. That is the most important thing for you to work on right now. :-)