Swarthmore supplement - Multidisciplinary Physics

This is the rough draft of my "Why Swarthmore" supplemental essay. I tried to focus on what I can contribute to campus rather than what Swarthmore could do for me. i need a stronger conclusion and a clincher statement, but I'm having trouble thinking of one. I'm also looking for areas where I can cut out words, since the limit is 250 and I'm at 248. Thanks!

I am not going to college because I want to learn how to recite facts. I do not want to sit in a lecture hall with hundreds of other students. I am going to college to deepen my skills of which I am most proud: my ability to make connections. This strength allows me to deepen my understanding of what I am studying by making insightful correlations to other disciplines, something Swarthmore students value.

I was attracted to the Physics program at Swarthmore because of its heavily multidisciplinary approach. Classes and seminars, like Physics in Modern Medicine, provide an environment where someone like me, who learns best under an integrative approach, can thrive. The honors program; however, is what excites me the most.

I want to bring all my ideas, all my thoughts about the universe, every question and inquiry my high school textbook cannot answer, to the honors program at Swarthmore. Ideas that combine different disciplines of science, like medicine and technology. Ideas I can both explore independently and constructively discuss with my peers and faculty. Ideas I can study deeply, on which I can write a thesis.

In addition to the academic opportunities I will utilize at Swarthmore, I plan to engage myself in the community. By using the Lang Center and its partnership with the College Access Center of Delaware County, I can share everything I have learned about the college application process with other public school students, something about which I am deeply passionate.

Alyssa, you can cut out the final paragraph that you have now and reallocate that word count to other aspects of your essay. Since this essay is all about you and what you can contribute to the university, the last part about the language center, which is an extra curricular activity, can be removed for the time being. Maybe you can use it in another prompt for the same university?

Your essay carries a highly academic tone and concentration, so continue on that path as you develop your essay. Look into some way that you can expand your discussion about the way that the university can increase your ability to perform research in order to continue with your interests. Focus on how your future studies will encourage more student partnerships in terms of widening your field of study. Make sure that you mention how you plan to utilize certain university offerings in terms of internships, research opportunities, or study grants that will help you become a better student and in the process, promote the university as a leader in this field as well.

As a recent graduate of Swarthmore, I would highly discourage you from taking the above advice regarding removing the comments referencing the College Access Center. Swat is EXTREMELY dedicated to a mission of service through knowledge, and contributing to the greater community is often treated as equally important to academic pursuits. I think you have already hit on a large number of the key values the Admissions staff might want to see (interdisciplinary study, collaboration, service, and the Honors program). With the copy-editing from the first post, I think you're in good shape.