I take pride in everything the soccer game has been able to give me - UC Essay

This is my 2nd UC prompt response, I know its short I have a limit of 1000 words for two essays and my other is 750 and I feel its real strong. Anything I can do to make this was strong as well despite its size? Anything helps

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?"

I have been playing soccer for as long as I can remember. Whether it be just for fun out at the park, or competitively against teams from all over the state, there is no doubt these experiences have been a big part of my life.

I remember starting out for the first time. I reluctant to get into it, but once I did, the sensation was like no other. Over time, my love for the game grew stronger and as as I became older it shifted from a hobby to a passion and I was able to gain more than just fun from these experiences.

My soccer career is bringing me more than I even imagined. It is teaching me many things I am able to use both on and off the field. However, I know these qualities will not be handed to me, but rather, I must earn them myself. Through the long, hard practices and early morning games, things like my leadership, responsibility, and commitment, to say a few, have all strengthened. I continue to carry these qualities on with me as they have beneficial in other aspects of my life such as school and family.

Today, I take pride in everything the game has been able to give me. The impact of these effects have been huge and have contributed greatly into making me who I am now.

I would recommend you to rethink.
You have mentioned a talent, i.e. playing soccer, but are not exactly illustrating any great event related to learnings from soccer.
You have also mentioned a personal quality of reluctance. You may use your essay to stress how soccer has turned you into an optimist from being pessimistic previously.

In general, rewrite giving an example of another achievement (to answer the "What about this" part of the question), which resulted from the things you have learnt (like you have mentioned) by playing soccer.

It seems as if you are using your love for soccer and how well you play as a hobby instead of an achievement. I think your best bet would be to change your essay and write about a personal quality that has gotten you places in your life, and without it you wouldn't be where you are now. That sort of thing. Write about your leadership, responsibility and commitment. Go into detail about them and experiences where they have helped you.

Your passion for soccer is not going to make you stand out to the people who view these essays. Millions of people enjoy soccer. You can share an experience such as winning a certain game that has shaped you into the person you are. Something about soccer that makes you stand out as an individual.

Thanks you guys :)