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I taught English to underserved kids- most significant non-academic accomplishment?


GreenLED 1 / -  
Aug 29, 2010   #1
I'm looking for content suggestions and grammar editing, overall flow, sentence structure. English is my second language, so I feel uncertain about my writing. Thank you.

What do you feel is your most significant non-academic accomplishment?

During the summer of 2008, I taught English to underserved children in the mountainside of Taiwan. I recall walking into the classroom on the first day. My students showed no interest in learning English or about American culture. To them, this subject was not only disliked, it was also irrelevant to their lives. Along with my teaching partners, I sought to change that outlook by developing fun and interactive lesson plans to encourage participation in class. I also shared stories of my life in America and worked continually to emphasize the importance of learning English to opening new opportunities, especially in the globalized world we live in. By developing personal relationships with students, I was able to earn their respect as well as strengthen the effect of my message. When the program concluded, I had initial doubts about my contribution to the students. But that quickly faded as my students showed an outpouring of appreciation for my efforts in the school. Many students wrote me thank you letters in English and promised to work hard in school so they could one day visit me in America. It was humbling to be able to reach so many lives at once, and this experience still remains one of my most meaningful accomplishments to date.

reiichi 2 / 2  
Aug 30, 2010   #2
I think that you should have a paragraph or some sentences about why this experience is your most significant accomplishment ^^
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,324 129  
Aug 31, 2010   #3
It was humbling to be able to reach so many lives at once, and this experience still remains one of my most meaningful accomplishments. to date .

This is well-written. I like it... not too much I would want to change.

My challenge for you is to go back through it and find ways to take out unnecessary words and phrases, and make room to give more details of your experience. Where did you stay? What were some things the students said to you?

:-) The reader will love the details.


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