I took cbest writing twice but couldn't pass that.I believem i am struggling with my writing skills.I posted this topic on this thread, can anyone make my essay correct as per the standard english rule. Thanks.
Essay Question:Write about an unforgettable person whom you have encountered in your life. What made him or her special? How did their life impact yours in a positive or negative way?
Here's the essay respose:
Life is full of unexpected experiences. Sometimes, it happens that when one met with a person who changed his/her life completely. In my life, I also encountered with a person who changed my way of thinking and she was my teacher in ...
Sometimes, it happens that when one meetwith a person who has changed chan his/her life completely. In my life, I also encountered with a person who changed my way of thinking and she was my teacher in the person who has changed my thinking is my teacher... ( encounter= face, u mean meet ur teacher?)
she has a unique way of analyzing the situations( should say a another way, sound very heavy and not really make sense i think)
Moreover, I noticed that the decision she tookher decision critically leads to better...
This way helps administration to choose the best and efficient way to work on...
although , she was a faculty member, but she came forward to help that poor students (for justice) better use another word, or an adv.
Finally,in addition to the unique way of thinking and extraordinary leadership qualities, she always acts as a responsible person socially in the community. For example, she taught us different ways to keep the environ ment clean...she is a member of ...
I am impressed from with her lifestyle and way of thinking her thought
My life has a positive impact from her she has a positive impact on me or she impacts positively on my life. " in English object can't cause action "
Hi! I made some corrections for you with regard to your essay. I think that your most challenging part of writing at this point is keeping up with the present or the past -- while you continue to write your essay. It is sometimes difficult to do. Otherwise, your message is clear and I think that you have a good essay here.
i really want to say thanks to Thai tam and Mark.i really appreciate you guys for helping me . As you guys read my essay, what you think about the structure,usage and orgination of the essay?
Hi Maninder,
I think the structure of your essay is fine. It was the spelling and the choice of words that presented your problem in the essay. Certainly, I would choose to re-write the essay! You will find that you, too, can write one that will satisfy the requirements. It only takes a little bit of work on your part. You will do fine, I am sure!
Mark :)
Hi Maninder,
I see that you revised your essay. But, let's take a look at a few of the new sentences you used:
Nobody knows what will happen very next moment and can turn the life. It can be an event, a person or can be a personal experience.
Let's re-write that as follows: No one knows what will happen in the very next moment in life; a new event can involve a person or a new personal experience.
--> That's the best I can come up with, as I don't really know what it is that you were trying to say in those two sentences.
Here's another one: Sometimes, in fact, these unexpected experiences happen, when one meets a person who has the capability to change one's life completely.
--> What are you trying to say here? I would love to be able to change the sentence, but I don't want to lose what you are trying to say.
--> I really think that your first version of the essay was better. You seem to have lost me in this version of the essay.
Mark :)
Thanks Mark. Can i write another essay on some other topic ? I will really appreciate your feedback... because your feedback will help me to acheive my goal.
