'a team captain' - Extracurricular Essay Common App ADVICE

Bang! The gun goes off; legs dig into the grass field; everyone filled with determination and pressure. This is a cross country race scene. A youth hobby has morphed into a passion. Running cross country serves as an outlet for my life. I can enjoy a comfortable and breezy run when I am stressed or I can sprint to the finish line under pressure. The memories of exhaustion during the eighth of the race are unforgettable. The pain to maintain my form and complete the race has taught me determination. Every runner must run their best performance in order for the team to win. Without team spirit, individual performance has gone to waste. As a team captain during my senior year, I learned to take my responsibilities seriously by carrying out my leadership duties daily. Cross country defines my identity: determination, discipline, and commitment. These life lessons can be applied to in the real world.

This is my rough draft. I want to know if my statement is engaging, and has a meaning in it.

Length: max 1000 characters..

Thanks!

I feel like your last sentence needs slightly more, like HOW they can be used or something brief, because you're 'essay' described the cross country event, and what you learned but not really how it was applied. But, i'm unsure to what the prompt was asking.

You're first sentence, really caught my eye and kept me interested though!
Goodluck.

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

That is the topic. It is a very small essay though (1000characters)

thanks.

okay in that case , it's pretty much fine as it is. Yet again this statement might want to be changed into something like "Cross country defines my identity : determination, discipline and commitment, which are all life lessons that can be applied in the real world" give or take on it. I just feel as if it is a cliff hanger...

but the rest matches the prompt directly, good job!

Thanks for the advice.

Anyone else offer any insights?