hi, a few days ago i uploaded an essay of mine for this topic, but then i think it was not good so i decided to do another one. Comments pleaseee
Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?
The place was crowded. The atmosphere was bustling. The decorations were colorful. People were everywhere, moving and laughing. It was the whole scenario of my high school's 2011 Spring Festival. I was in 11th grade, and 11th graders were supposed to sell different beverages while 10th graders sold souvenirs and 12th graders sold food. At first, the idea of selling drinks was not at all overwhelming to my classmates and me. In fact, we all thought it was going to be fun and under control, until a very unfortunate trouble occurred.
My class and I were busy selling drinks and people could not stop coming towards our counter, which was obviously great. We assumed that everything would be fine and we would keep selling until there was no drink left. However, while there was still a large amount of juice, milk, coffee and milkshake, plastic glasses were completely run out, that meant there would be nothing to pour the drinks into. Unfortunately, the line waiting in front of our counter was still very long, and people kept asking for their drinks. Therefore, my classmates started to panic. They did not know what to do and how to deal with this. At the same time, people started yelling and asking for their drinks angrily. One of us tried to propitiate them by offered each of them two drinks later. But they lost their patience and began walking away to other counters. The situation got even worse when one started blaming another for not buying enough glasses. My responsibility throughout the whole time was just to keep the money and do some calculation, but then when the situation became truly aggravated, I knew I had to do something.
Usually when it comes to problems and solutions, thinking was all I could do. Nevertheless, in this case, I had to think and act fast. I stopped what I was doing and told all my friends to relax since I was the only one who was still able to be calm. I tried to explain to them that fighting was not going to help improve the problem and that we always had to be united no matter what happened. I told one of them to try asking other classes and counters if they could lend or sell some of their glasses to us. Meanwhile, the boys will drop by the groceries store to buy more plastic glasses. But more importantly, it was the guests that we had to deal with, and the only way to keep them was to entertain them and gain their attention. I asked the dancers of my class to put some music on and make some moves. Surprisingly, more people came to our counter to watch the dance and almost no one seemed to care about the drinks. By the time the dance finished, plastic glasses had arrived. No one really cared about the waiting the situation back then since everyone really did enjoy the dance, so everything was eventually under control.
Besides the fact that I did play a big part in improving the situation, I got to discover my quality for being calm, conscious and able to deal with things even in urgent cases. After that time, my friends always ask me for advice when it comes to group work. Somehow, I inadvertently started to have the leadership in almost every project of my class.
1. The first three sentences seem a little choppy. Think of a way to combine them
2. The part where you mention what the 10th and 12th graders seems a little random. I would suggest cutting it out but its your call.
Grammatical suggestions
1. THAT was the whole scenario of my high school's 2011 Spring Festival.
2. People WOULD not stop lining up at out counter.
3. until there WERE no DRINKS left
4. We were completely out of plastic glasses
5. The line waiting in front of our counter was still very long, and people kept asking for their drinks, which made my classmates panic.
6. One of us tried to propitiate them by offered each of them two drinks later, but got impatient and began walking away to other counters.
7. My responsibility was just to keep the money and do some calculations, but as the when the situation worsened, I knew I had to do something.
8. I told them to ask other classes and counters if they could lend or sell us some of their glasses.
9. "drop by the GROCERY store" not groceries stores
10. "it was the CUSTOMERS we had to deal with" not guests
11. The dancing made the customers forget about the past situation and everything was under control.
12. The last two sentences are alright but they seem kind of randomly placed
Good luck with with everything! :)
