The question for this essay is
"Describe a significant experience or achievement that has special meaning to you."
"Time is money" a cliché that is known to all. Parents remind their kids of it, teachers preach to their students about it, and even society reinforces it with wages being paid by the hour. In such a world, technology has and perhaps always will be advancing forward in order to save the average person more of this "money". For instance, in the field of biomedical engineering, long strides or as some would dare to say, giant leaps have been made.
It was not too long ago that I went to an optometrist to have my eyes examined. I set aside the entire day, believing that I would leave the exam with dilated pupils and that like last time, I'd not be seeing properly for a solid three hours, three hours that I would never have returned to me. However, unbeknownst to me, in the time between my previous eye exams, a new machine had been developed. This machine called itself the Optomap Panoramic200 Retinal Imaging System, and on that day, it stood in the corner of a room and hummed sonorously. Casting it aside as a non-contact tonometer, I sat down and instinctively braced myself for air puffing, bright lights and minor discomfort or in other words, an eye exam. Passing through the tests in mere minutes, the dreaded moment of pupil dilation was to rear its unwanted head in. However, much to my surprise, I was directed to the corner where the previously sonorous hum now bordered ominous. The doctor then proceeded to ask if I would like to use the humming Optomap in lieu of pupil dilation. I asked apprehensively if this would be a simple procedure and was given an enthusiastic nod in return. Against my better judgment, I allowed for the optometrist to take images of the retina through the Optomap. Amazingly, it was mere seconds per eye and my exam was finished. This machine which at first appeared almost ominous had saved me three hours of my time. I had been by some miracle, reunited with the three hours that I thought I would never be seeing. The feeling I had afterwards was nothing short of euphoria. On top of this feeling of elatedness because time is equivalent to money, by the application of the substitution property of equality it can also be said that this machine, the Optomap, saved me money as well. It was from that moment, I felt that every person and ever time consuming medical procedure could benefit from the effects of advanced technology made available by bridging the gap between the various principles of engineering to the world of medicine. It is this experience, a simple visit to the optometrist for an eye exam that I consider one of the most significant of my life.
Unique topic.
unbeknowst- do you haveto use such a complicated word? :)
I feel like you should relate the second paragraph to the first, and speculate longer on the broad meanings instead of dwelling on the exact names of the technologies and stuff. Not to say that there are insignificant details, but try to reach its essence faster and smoother.
Great job though!
If you have a chance, please read my "what I learned after being called a Communist". Thank you :)
This needs a hyphen:
For instance, in the field of biomedical engineering, long strides -- or, as some would dare to say, giant leaps -- have been made.
I don't think it's good to end the first para with a statement of the obvious like this. I like your time-is-money theme, but make a strong point at the end of that paragraph.
Oh, I see that this essay is about the visit to the optometrist, so end the first paragraph with a sentence that expresses the fact that you had a revelation when you experienced amazing technology during a visit to the optometrist.
:-)
