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TITLE: Seven Pairs, Thirteen Years: This is my Common App Personal essay

jelidtj 5 / 21  
Aug 9, 2010   #1
TITLE: Seven Pairs, Thirteen Years

I will never forget my experience at Dorney Park WildWater Kingdom in 2004. After screaming and splashing through speed slides and rollercoasters, my sister and I decided to tube slowly along the runaway river for a change. Within minutes of floating along I decide to rest my head back and enjoy the tranquility and rejuvenation of the ride. "Ssshhhhhh" - I could hear the rushing sound of the waterfall we were about to pass through. As I braced for it, my eyes involuntarily shut tight. Those were the best three seconds of a lifetime ... or not. I popped my eyes open. "m my my glasses!! They're gone!" Frantically, I jumped from the tube looking but I couldn't see to find them. All the tubes behind me were being held up. "Ma'am you have to get back into the tube and finish the ride. Please. You can't stop until the ride is over." I sank into despair and woefulness. Unable to see anything but outside a 2 feet radius I felt helpless. So it was for 4 hours. My day was ruined. Luckily, at the end of the day my glasses - now battered and worn were returned to me. Happy would be inadequate describe how I felt. Whoever found those glasses found my life.

I received my first pair of tested glasses at the tender age of four. My mother tells me within days of sporting the brand new frames she heard me say "Why is everyone staring at me? Have they never seen someone in glasses? Well, I think I look cute" That was the spunky toddler in me. I consider this stage of my life as the birth of Jel Bel the Unstoppable (Jel - the first three syllables of my name; Bel - simply because 'Jel' rhymes with Bel' and, most importantly, 'The Unstoppable' - the mindset which has propelled me to achieve despite the divorce of my parents and limited financial resources. I like to refer to myself as Jel Bel the Unstoppable. Not only does it sound cool, but it stands as my theme and motivation throughout life.

It is fair to say my glasses have evolved as much as my character. Just as how mom put up all my old frames carefully for keepsake, the traits of earlier years remained with me and shaped my personality. I am my glasses. They are my guidance and comfort without which my life would be a blur (literally).

As I grew older I renewed my frames and prescriptions bi-annually. Each pair had their own unique feature, but by the time my teenage years arrived I realized that red frames fit my complexion best and I should continue to choose frames within the realm of that color. Perhaps this is a reflection of my personality. Of all the friends in my group, I am the energizer bunny - the most talkative one who is always the source and instigator of jokes, cynical comments and laughter. My presence is always felt in a room - or should I say felt and heard, since I've been told I speak as though I have a microphone near my voice box. I allow this energy to infiltrate into my academics, music, activities and responsibilities. So if you visit my school on a random weekday, it should come as no surprise for you to see me power-walking from point to point like a girl on a mission. That's me - whatever needs to be done, must be done efficiently, effectively and to the best of my ability.

Of great note was my introduction to contact lenses at about age 14. Alleluia! I am no longer a "four-eyed nerd" and I can finally wear sunglasses! Looking back, I can safely say that my contacts can represent my flexibility. The same 'me' who is willing to sacrifice fun for studies knows exactly how to waste time like it's nobody's business. Today you'll catch me listening to Tchaikovsky, but tomorrow I may be listening to Bob Marley. I am just as eager to learn as I am to teach, and I equally exhibit the qualities of an introvert and extrovert.

All the different pairs of glasses I've ever owned have some minute feature that played an integral role in my choice for them. One had a tiny star on each handle, and another had 'keep cool' engraved along the frame - unique and particular to them. So it is with the facets of my personality that you would discover in no other person. I absolutely love ice-cream and would have it for breakfast lunch and dinner on any given day (when my mom isn't home of course). I fall asleep within a maximum of four minutes. I cannot run to save my life. I enjoy problem solving as much as I hate slow computers (a lot).

All these are pixels comprising a big picture. The big picture tells you that even though my optical prescription is negative, my vision for the future is absolutely positive. This is a fact will define me throughout college and beyond.
OP jelidtj 5 / 21  
Aug 9, 2010   #2
It is a little too long.. i'm just not sure what to cut out. please help me :) i want my essay to be exceptional
optimuspantz 1 / 1  
Aug 9, 2010   #3
i love your essay! i can totally relate :)

but i think the " i think its fair to say..." and " of great note..." paragraphs are unnecessary. the essay is great without it.
OP jelidtj 5 / 21  
Aug 9, 2010   #4
OK ! thank you !!!
zengrz - / 92  
Aug 9, 2010   #5
I think you have quite an unique topic, and explained the relationship between you and your glasses really well. Congratz~

If you want to cut, I suggest you to work on the intro paragraph, since it is a long para compared to the rest of your paragraphs, and it does not show how your glasses represents you.

Luckily, at the end of the day my glasses - now battered and worn were returned to me.

Luckily, at the end of the day my glasses, battered and worn, were returned to me.

G L~
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Aug 10, 2010   #6
"my... my glasses!! They're gone!"

Wow, nice! This one made me laugh aloud. I am my glasses.
So... congratulations... in an age of digital entertainment, it is really hard to write an essay that is truly entertaining.

When you do dialogue, use a comma before the quoted stuff: ...sporting the brand new frames she heard me say, "Why is everyone staring at me? Have they never seen someone in glasses?

Also, use a period at the end: Well, I think I look cute. " That was the spunky toddler in me.

I think it will be so excellent if you take out this: (literally)
You don't have to spoon feed the reader. The reader will really appreciate your use of this notion that glasses are your benefactors, guiding you and comforting you.
OP jelidtj 5 / 21  
Aug 10, 2010   #7
Thanks much !
now that we kno the content and grammar etc. is ok, who wants to help me get within the word limit?? this is 846 words. i think it needs to be cut down by about 300 :(
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Aug 12, 2010   #8
Hey, you have such a nice style of writing that I don't want to kill any sentences! It's hard to cut out content when the work is inspired...

Oh! I noticed something... check the spelling of this: Alleluia
Ha ha.. I like your way of spelling it, but I think it is like this: Hallelujah

You'll need to cut out one sentence from each para and do another word count. After that, you'll probably need to cut out another whole para.

The trick: identify the main ideas and take out all that does not support them.
Also... look at a para, ask yourself what it says, and then see if you can write a brilliant sentence that says it all in one sentence.
OP jelidtj 5 / 21  
Aug 12, 2010   #9
alrighty imma try that. Thanks a lotttt :)
Michael48304 8 / 31  
Aug 15, 2010   #10
Just so you know, I don't believe there is a real word limit to the common app essay. Mine is slightly above 700. But there is no specified limit. Somewhere between 500-800 is probably fine.

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