"track and field" - Georgetown - Important Extracurricular Short Essay

One school activity which has had a significant impact on me has been track and field. Adjusting to high school was not an easy experience for me. I breezed through elementary school and good grades came naturally to me. I never found myself stressing over school. High school was completely different. The first week of classes during freshman year was quite an eye-opener. The high school I chose to attend is number one in the state and one of the best in the country. Naturally, it is highly selective and the coursework is rigorous. Within the first few weeks of school I found myself struggling and seeing my peers succeeding took its toll on my self-confidence. I began feeling worthless and stupid and before I knew it, I had suicidal thoughts crossing my mind. I was depressed.

This continued on to second semester of my sophomore year. When the track team announced that their season was about to start and they were looking for new members, I decided to sign up. During the first week of practice I fell in love with running. Although I was not very fast or had much endurance at first, I believed that one day I could be a great athlete. I felt a sense of satisfaction after completing the rigorous training the coaches put the team trough and I noticed I was no longer as unhappy as I previously felt. Being on the track team has been so important to me because it "cured" me of my depression, boosted my self-esteem, and made me feel like I belonged to something greater than myself.

okay "The high school I chose to attend is number one in the state and one of the best in the country. Naturally, it is highly selective and the coursework is rigorous." combine these two sentences and basically shorten the first paragraph. I think you should focus more on your extracurricular activities than the struggling in the high school part.

could you help me with mine please?? I'm also applying to georgetown.

When you write an Admission Essay, you should write with the intention of making the reader feel inspired to send you along your chosen path unimpeded. How can that be done? I think the kids who set several serious short term goals are the ones who inspire the reader. The kids that have clearly given a lot of thought to their chosen field and formed strong opinions about it... they are the ones that are most appealing and inspirational to the reader.

This essay has a great theme: I struggled in high school until I found strength in running track.
But I think it is better to express that theme in one sentence at the start of an essay that is about more than just running. Talk about your running experience as part of the framework for your current perspective -- which is focused on your future. Talk about running, and find a way to talk about how that deep meditation of running is related to the aspiration associated with your chosen field.

:-)

I dont think you need to state that "One activity that.." The people reading your essays are going to have about 302304820394 essays that start this way. You need to grab the reader with something more original. I also think your conclusion needs a little work

the "I noticed I was no longer as unhappy as I previously felt." makes you sound a little unstable.. maybe instead of saying you weren't "as unhappy" say how it energized you and made you feel better than you ever have before etc... stay positive especially in the end of essays. "Being on the track team has been so important to me because it "cured" me of my depression, boosted my self-esteem, and made me feel like I belonged to something greater than myself." - I don't like the "cure" of depression part