Hi, can somebody please give feedback on my essay? I appreciate it! Kelly
What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.
It's funny to see the expressions on people's faces when I tell them what I plan to do with my biology degree; apparently, moving to Africa to save lions sounds crazy to some people. As for me, I find the fact that I'm finally attending college crazy.
When I dropped out of high school, I was certain I would never go to college. I saw it as a waste of time and money, as I hated school and felt confident I could do well without it. I had only two interests at that time, to travel and to work with lions, although I viewed the latter as a pipedream. I brushed that dream aside and fulfilled my other goal; I became a flight attendant and traveled the world.
I loved being a flight attendant, but after September 11, 2001, the airline industry became a very tumultuous industry to work in. I was furloughed and recalled from my job three times in the following three years. Eventually, the instability proved too much for me and I resigned. I spent the next few years working as a restaurant manager, but it was just a means to an end; I was never completely happy. Meanwhile, I was still haunted by the desire to work with lions. I decided it was time to explore my strange obsession, to see if it was really something I wanted to do with my life, or just a silly notion. I figured the best way to experience lions was to go to the source; I saved up money for six months, threw all my belongings into storage, and flew to South Africa.
Before leaving, I had found a place that accepted volunteers to work at a game park helping to raise lion cubs, supposedly in the name of conservation. For the next six weeks, I helped care for twelve cubs, ranging in age from newborn to six months old. I felt such great joy being with these babies, but soon I was filled with distress. I had come to the park very naďve, and I soon realized that these animals were being exploited; the owners of the park were breeding cubs continuously to provide paid photo opportunities to tourists. I couldn't justify staying there.
After leaving the park, I continued backpacking through Southern Africa for three months. I met many zoologists and conservationists along the way who gave me great insight into the plight of lions in Africa, and I visited real game parks, such as Kruger National Park, where I observed lions behaving naturally. I camped in the bush and slept to the sound of roaring lions. Unexpectedly, I fell in love with Africa itself; I didn't want to go home.
I stayed as long as I could afford to, but finally I had to return to America. My heart ached for Africa, but I knew I had found my calling. Shortly after I returned, I applied for and received an internship at a big cat sanctuary in Mississippi. While there, I cared for over twenty big cats, including lions and tigers that had been rescued from abusive situations. I adored caring for the cats, but I also felt that I was not needed there; those cats were well taken care of. I wanted to help the cats in the wild, in Africa. I realized then that a college degree would be the best way for me to help the lions in Africa.
As much as I would love to gain field experience while in school, it has thus far not been a possibility, so I have tried to make up for that lack of experience by reading as much as I can on the topic. I hope to do a summer abroad in Africa during my junior or senior year, hopefully doing field research.
Sometimes I lament the fact that it took over ten years for me to get to this point; I think of all the field experience I could have had by now, and maybe how much I could have helped conservation efforts. I know, though, that I wasn't ready after high school; I still had some growing up to do. Now I'm ready.
Wonderful essay! Perhaps stretch the end of the essay more. Write more on about how you are ready to put your talents to use. Sell yourself a bit more! You have a lot of heart, and a lot to offer. Most people will never ever find their calling. So, 2 years or 10, you've accomplished more than most people ever will. You've done field research already! Because you've already been out there, experiencing the lions for your self! And your reading books on the subject. This is what real scientist do! They read, research, and then write about it! Talk about your potential too. How much can your grow? How can you help the lions you describe? What impact do you wish to have on the world?
Big questions, but those questions will really ramp it up! Keep the descriptions of your experiences and skills. Those are very good!
