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Which "Why Tufts?" essay is better?



ashwin17 5 / 10  
Jan 1, 2009   #1
Tufts is not only an excellent university for pursuing my major in biomedical sciences, but its well-rounded undergraduate program will also allow me to explore my other interests in law, computer engineering, and math. During a campus tour this summer, I was fascinated by not only the beauty of the university’s diverse grounds, but also by the student tour guides’ unique experiences studying in a Tufts program abroad. I believe Tufts’ various activities can open many doors for my future.

Would this sound better if I replaced the last sentece with "Tufts is THE university for me."?

OR

Tufts is not only an excellent university for pursuing my major in biomedical sciences, but its well-rounded undergraduate program will also allow me to explore my other interests in law, computer engineering, and math. Furthermore, my nomadic lifestyle inspired my fascination with other countries around the world. As I listened to student tour guides’ unique experiences studying in a Tufts program abroad, I realized I wanted to do to the same in Japan. Tufts is THE university for me.

EF_Sean 6 / 3460  
Jan 2, 2009   #2
I'd go with the first one, but make the replacement.
aimering - / 2  
Jan 2, 2009   #3
ps. you might want to change your sentences a little bit as you used "not only...but also" twice in the first two sentences. =)

I had such a hard time writing Tuft's "who are you" essay. really tricky...
OP ashwin17 5 / 10  
Jan 2, 2009   #4
OK, thank you...
Really? I had a tougher time with the "Let your life speak" essay... I actually put all my tufts supplement essays on a different thread if you want to take a look...
EF_Constance - / 136  
Jan 3, 2009   #5
I liked the first one better with the last sentence of the second version. Good luck
ichid99 9 / 10  
Jan 3, 2009   #6
I agree that the first one is better.


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