Id appreciate it if you checked for grammatical errors and just told me if you liked the ideas.
Why Tufts?
I love to build Legos; watching creations being formed before my eyes is awe-inspiring. In my eyes Tufts is like a giant Lego set. Each part of the set, unique in shape and design, creates one cohesive foundation. The Lego pieces are individual with their differing shapes, colors, and sizes. Tufts University could be my Lego set; a university that is filled with diversity, and where every student is valued for their talents. I want to be one of the Legos that adds to the big picture that is Tufts University.
For the second short response we asked you to consider the world around you. Now, consider the world within. Taste in music, food and clothing can make a statement while politics, sports, religion and ethnicity are often defining attributes. Are you a vegetarian? A poet? Do you prefer You Tube or test tubes, Mac or PC? Are you the drummer in an all-girl rock band? Do you tinker? Use the richness of your identity to frame your personal outlook.
All aboard! Hello ladies and gentleman and welcome to the tour of my brain. I advise you this trip is very wonder - full and you should try to keep all wonder in your body until I get accepted to Tufts and you can meet me. Please keep your hands, feet, and belongings inside the vehicle at all times, as it would be a tragedy for you to damage such a delicate piece of my body. I will be showing you ever part of my brain and I hope you enjoy the trip!
We are now moving up my brainstem, which I highly thank for keeping me alive by controlling my blood pressure, breathing and such. We are currently heading into the cerebellum. As you can see this part controls my balance. It's what helps me keep my balance as I battle for the soccer ball during a league game for my school. As we go a little further, were now at the Octopial lobe. What I see every day is thanks to this part of my brain. My taste for specific abstract art and my vision in artistic ability in my pastime of graphic design is all thanks to this part of my brain. It's what allows me to pick my own trend of clothing based on my preferences of a Mainstream/skater combination. It allows me to establish my favorite color as blue. As we go further, we arrive at the partial lobe; this part is what allowed me to learn my foreign language of Russian, without even being in a foreign country. It still puzzles me every day how that happens. This permits me to sit through books like Brave New world, The Martian Chronicles, and Prisoners Dilemma and get influenced through them. We will now be taking a short break, before we head into my favorite part the frontal lobe, the mother ship of my thoughts, dreams and aspirations.
Are you ready to go? Alright; and were off! We are now entering the frontal lobe. This is where I can really tell you about my genuine thoughts. In general I love to think about everything. The questions probably processed more than hundreds of times through this part are "why? How?" .Being placed in the bio-medical house, in my school, I have been engineered to always ask those questions to further enhance my understanding of concepts. You can also see as you turn to your left, that my neurons are always on high alert when meeting new people. As I meet my new individuals for the first time, my mind runs through various scenarios and assigns numerical probabilities. Each thing he/she says, each action and perceived emotion changes the data entering here, and I occasionally struggle to keep up. I always want to make a good first impression, to maximize the likelihood of a positive outcome. I consider my brain to be like a calculator, always trying to maximize the best outcome of any situation.
Thank you everyone for taking the time to ride through my brain. I hope you enjoyed your ride, bumpy or not, and I hope to see you next year. As my partial lobe would tell me; до свидания (Goodbye in Russian).
I need to cut the second one down by about 200 words
student is valued for their talents
you should pick his or her not both only one.. because you are talking of every student not all students
bio-medical houseand in my school,
he/she
pick one
likelihood
i think this is mispelled
I like both of them. I think they are very creative!! Good luck!! plese help me!!!
