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Tufts Supplement Prompt #2 [What voice would you add?]


IvanD 3 / 6  
Dec 31, 2009   #1
Any comment/feedback greatly appreciated, will return favor :)

2. Self-identity and personal expression take many forms. For example, music, clothing, politics, extracurricular interests and ethnicity can each be a defining attribute. Do you surf or tinker? Are you a vegetarian poet who loves Ayn Rand? Do you prefer YouTube or test tubes? Are you preppie or Goth? Use the richness of your life to give us insight: what voice will you add to the class of 2014? (200 Words)

I'd say the words "Blood, broken bones, adrenaline, composure and compassion" sum up my role as a rugby medic rather accurately. Being on the medical team, I have seen my fair share of bloody lacerations, broken bones and fingers pointing at impossible directions. On the sidelines manning the first aid post, nervous anticipation is shared by most of the medics during an intense match, accompanied by a racing heartbeat induced by adrenaline.

Months of being a medic has taught me to these feelings and replace them with qualities that I believe are essential to all medical care providers: compassion and composure. Care providers should always be empathetic and collected, we should feel the plight of others which will give us the desire to eliminate it. As a medic, I am often faced with unexpected emergencies making composure imperative to the effectively assessment and the appropriate treatment of the patient. Such qualities and skills can be directly applied in everyday life, where compassion and composure not only serve to enhance relationships, but also aids in building new ones.

Tufts Class of 2014: I offer you the voice of a compassionate, empathetic individual who will ceaselessly continue to improve himself, in the hopes of making a significant and positive impact on others. And if the TEMS is ever short on medics, I'll be delighted to step up.

(TEMS = Tufts Emergency Medical Services, the admissions tutor should know that :) )

Thank you so much.
keilinger 9 / 53  
Dec 31, 2009   #2
Your sense of fulfillment in being a rugby medic is obvious. Good job!

Such qualities and skills can be directly applied in everyday life, where compassion and composure not only serve to enhance relationships, but also aids in building new ones. <--- This idea needs to either be more developed, or completely eliminated.
autogunny 3 / 72  
Dec 31, 2009   #3
an adrenaline-induced racing heartbeat.

a racing heartbeat clearly induced by adrenaline.

Through the months that I have been a medic, I have learnt

Months of being a medic has taught me to

To conclude,

Never say conclude.. its like essay suicide.

Well for someone who read your previous essay on training as a medic, I would say this essay is fantastic. I would take off concluding sentence and say something funny at the end such as "If Tufts ever needs a __________________, I am the right man for the job.

Can you edit my NYU supplements. I would love to have someone who read both my common app and BU essay do those also :D Its in the middle of the thread:
achen92 1 / 12  
Jan 3, 2010   #4
taught me to these feelings

Maybe it's just me, but I don't quite understand this part of the sentence.

we should feel the plight of others which will give us the desire to eliminate it

How about: Care providers should always be empathetic and collected; we should feel the plight subsequently act to eliminate it.

effectively assessment

effective assessment?

be directly applied in everyday life

If you think the "directly" is necessary, keep it. Otherwise...

continue to improve himself, in the hopes of making a significant

I don't know if the comma makes your sentence flow well. Try reading the sentence out loud.

This is as good as your other one! Good Luck!


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