Ugh. Help please! This is my first and last application essay and I feel that it is very rough. Is it jerky? Does it need more transitions? Are any facts extraneous? Are the sentences easy to understand? Any grammar or punctuation mistakes? Any hints tips? D:
Usually, children are more influenced by one parent than another because the impact of the lessons this parent imparts on their child outweigh those of the other parent. However, I believe that I have been equally influenced by both of my parents and their cultures in contrasting ways and this has helped shape me into a well-balanced person with realistic goals.
My mother immigrated to the United States from Singapore. She grew up in a very strict household that demanded extreme obedience and excellence and, in turn, she raised me to reflect this. She constantly pushed me to improve in all areas. She took me to ballet classes, Chinese lessons, piano lessons, study skill classes, writing classes, and basketball. I remember sitting down with her and a child's cardboard book sounding out the letters for a few hours every day before I even started school. My mother taught me strength and independence through the example she set with her own life and because of it I also learned the meaning of respect. I never felt as though I could confide in her the way other teenage girls confide in their mothers, though. The way I had to constantly strive to satisfy her crushed any desire to joke or play around with her and if I ever tried to, she would rebuke me, because that was what she knew. She was my mother and the driving force behind my need to excel but because of this she alienated herself from learning who I was as a person.
My father, on the other hand, was largely responsible for helping me to form many of my charming personality characteristics. He grew up in a traditional American family and because of it, was more open to my confidences and jokes. He was the one I would turn to if I faced some sort of dilemma. He had time to listen to my stories no matter how tired he was and he never judged my moral conduct in them the way my mother would. He taught me how to remove myself from situations and examine each side of an argument before drawing conclusions which was one of countless other invaluable life lessons. My father was the first person to talk to me like I was an adult. Through him, I understood what it was to be respected. He also taught me the value of entertainment. I inherited my voracious appetites for literature and technology from him and he was always willing to introduce me to his old favorites. He always helped me 'geek out'. For Halloween, we both went out and combed through all of the thrift shops in the area just to find the perfect Watchmen's Rorschach costume. He has always been the parent that I enjoy spending my time with the most and he is proud of me because he knows I try my hardest.
My mother taught me to always strive for greater things and my father taught me to know my limits and have fun in the process. My most basic aspiration is to become independent and not have to rely on other people for food, transportation and shelter like I do now. I know that I have time to figure out how to achieve my dreams and I will get there if I keep trying.
Usually, children are more influenced by one parent than another because the impact of the lessons this parent imparts on their child outweigh those of the other parent. However, I believe that I have been equally influenced by both of my parents and their cultures in contrasting ways and this has helped shape me into a well-balanced person with realistic goals.
My mother immigrated to the United States from Singapore. She grew up in a very strict household that demanded extreme obedience and excellence and, in turn, she raised me to reflect this. She constantly pushed me to improve in all areas. She took me to ballet classes, Chinese lessons, piano lessons, study skill classes, writing classes, and basketball. I remember sitting down with her and a child's cardboard book sounding out the letters for a few hours every day before I even started school. My mother taught me strength and independence through the example she set with her own life and because of it I also learned the meaning of respect. I never felt as though I could confide in her the way other teenage girls confide in their mothers, though. The way I had to constantly strive to satisfy her crushed any desire to joke or play around with her and if I ever tried to, she would rebuke me, because that was what she knew. She was my mother and the driving force behind my need to excel but because of this she alienated herself from learning who I was as a person.
My father, on the other hand, was largely responsible for helping me to form many of my charming personality characteristics. He grew up in a traditional American family and because of it, was more open to my confidences and jokes. He was the one I would turn to if I faced some sort of dilemma. He had time to listen to my stories no matter how tired he was and he never judged my moral conduct in them the way my mother would. He taught me how to remove myself from situations and examine each side of an argument before drawing conclusions which was one of countless other invaluable life lessons. My father was the first person to talk to me like I was an adult. Through him, I understood what it was to be respected. He also taught me the value of entertainment. I inherited my voracious appetites for literature and technology from him and he was always willing to introduce me to his old favorites. He always helped me 'geek out'. For Halloween, we both went out and combed through all of the thrift shops in the area just to find the perfect Watchmen's Rorschach costume. He has always been the parent that I enjoy spending my time with the most and he is proud of me because he knows I try my hardest.
My mother taught me to always strive for greater things and my father taught me to know my limits and have fun in the process. My most basic aspiration is to become independent and not have to rely on other people for food, transportation and shelter like I do now. I know that I have time to figure out how to achieve my dreams and I will get there if I keep trying.
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