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Two different Common App essays -- love for reading & my father



ctchrssmnky 2 / 17  
Dec 23, 2011   #1
Essay #1:

My father has probably shaped me as a person more than anyone else I know. We are very similar in personality - stubborn, strongly opinionated, and argumentative - and so clash very often. But it is he who instilled in me my love of reading. While other little girls were read watered-down tales from Charles Perrault about glass-slippered damsels, my father read to me from the Brothers Grimm, from Douglas Adams, from James Joyce's little-known children's book, The Cat and The Devil.

He is the one who taught me to appreciate everything, even things of which I was not particularly fond. I may not aspire to be a physicist, for example, but I have nothing but respect for and can speak at length about Richard Feynman and his contributions to society. He taught me to love foreign languages. Our movie nights consisted of us watching Akira Kurosawa and Federico Fellini dramas. We sang along, however poorly, to Italian operettas and to the soundtracks of old Hindi films. Because of him, I can appreciate a good game of soccer, and, after dissecting every Bond movie ever made, know how to best escape a hostage situation using only a Rolex and a deft pair of hands.

My father inspired me to study philosophy, to cook fine French food, to appreciate a well-written thank you note. He taught me that a wise man has at least forgotten Latin, to never shake someone's hand sitting down, and to never miss the team photo - "not pictured" is no way to go through life. He is an artist, a scientist, an extraordinarily funny character, a thinker, and if I ended up being one-tenth of the person he is today, I think that would be an achievement, indeed.

I know I could elaborate on this. If anything, I have trouble staying under the word limit, so stretching this would not be a problem. This is the basic model I am going for.

Essay #2:

If I learned one thing from the seven-odd years I spent religiously watching Arthur, it was that having fun isn't hard when you've got a library card. Thus, when I initially began researching prospective colleges, the first thing I looked into was the library - how big it was, the diversity of its collection of books, the comfort level of its armchairs, and so on. This may seem like a fairly narrow-minded method of choosing schools, but then again, this is the girl who looked more forward to poring over the Scholastic Book Club's monthly catalogs than flipping through Cosmo Girl, the girl whose idea of exciting teenage rebellion was hiding in the stacks at the local university's library while they kicked out all the non-students, just so I could spend more time with the mountain of books I had lovingly gathered.

The printed word has long captivated me, even before I could grasp its significance. As a child just learning to read, I would trace my fingers over the text wonderingly, taking comfort in the reassuring serif font of Read with Dick and Jane. The book fairs held by the local libraries took far more precedent in my seven-year-old mind over even Christmas, and by ten, I had learned that offering to help out granted me a good four to five hours alone with the treasure trove of offerings before the crowds arrived en masse. My fellow volunteers were all several years older than I, usually high schoolers in need of community service hours who couldn't fathom why I would give up Saturday morning cartoons to sort through heaps of old books. These were, after all, the days before delightfully modern advances such as the DVR had come along, and cartoons were one of the few ways my classmates could unwind after a stressful week of long division and verb conjugations.

However, I had my own method of dealing with the trials and tribulations of elementary schools. The bevy of knowledge to be gained from a good book was astounding. While my peers eagerly allowed Clarissa to explain it all, I learned about feline psychology from T. S. Eliot's Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats, while Erwin Strauss taught me everything I needed to know about starting my own country. All of this information came at little to no cost to me, other than the odd late fee and the occasional missed episode of Daria.

This also needs a little something at the end.

All of your advice is much appreciated!


ZhoeK 5 / 157  
Dec 23, 2011   #2
Nimitha
Ignore that I will redo my critique in a moment.
laspinadenise 2 / 10  
Dec 23, 2011   #3
I really like the essay on your dad. But I think that instead of saying stubborn and argumentative, you should use words with a positive connotation, that way your'e selling yourself instead of pointing out flaws. You should make that one explain how you're cultured and open minded to everything. I watched Fellini's "La Strada", you could touch upon how you're interested in approaches and perspectives from different regions of the world.

The second one is really good, very well worded but it also makes it seem like you're a library rat, and while good readers are appreciated, whoever ends up reading your essay might think you have nothing better to do. I do like the Arthur quotation though, I'll never forget that song.
OP ctchrssmnky 2 / 17  
Dec 23, 2011   #4
Right, that is why I moved it out of Reed. I ended up working more on Reed and realizing that, despite my love of reading, the second paragraph made no sense in it. I still did love it, though, so I wanted to keep it somewhere else.

I ended up moving it into a Common App format. And "Clarissa Explains It All" was a television show for children back in the 90's.

I'd like to focus on keeping this in the Common App, though, so do you still think my second paragraph is unnecessary? In this context, it is directly talking about me.

Thank you for the help!

Denise:

Thank you. I think I would rephrase to "very opinionated" and "highly vocal."

As to the second essay -- yes, I am quite the library rat. I will try to extend the essay to portray this aspect of me in a more positive light. Would you say my second essay is stronger in describing who I am as a person? Thank you for the feedback!
ZhoeK 5 / 157  
Dec 23, 2011   #5
Nimitha

Okay I see, smart move. I think you should use the first essay because it paints a more rounded picture of you as an individual while the second essay though well-written, is pretty one track and only highlights one aspect about you.

First essay:

Ah, I loved the ending sentence! I think it was rather perfect for an ending. I also love the last paragraph, lovely way to close out. Overall it was a well-written and interesting essay, the Bond part was funny and lightened the mood of the essay. I agree with Denise, maybe you shouldn't use argumentative maybe just stubborn and opinionated.

My father has probably shaped me as a person more than anyone else I knowinto the person I am now more than anyone else . We are very similar in personality - stubborn, strongly opinionated, and argumentative - and so clash very often.

Suggestion: We have similar personality traits -we were both very stubborn and strongly opinionated and would often get into clashes.
Don't know if this is any better, but I tried.

Hope this helps.
OP ctchrssmnky 2 / 17  
Dec 23, 2011   #6
How is this? 490 words, and hoping it's not too contrived and too general. I'm losing my confidence in it now..

My father has shaped me into the person I am now more than anyone else. We possess very similar personality traits - stubborn, strongly opinionated, and highly vocal - and so clash very often. But it is he who instilled in me my love of reading. While other little girls were read watered-down tales from Charles Perrault about glass-slippered damsels and red-hooded wanderers, my father read to me from the Brothers Grimm, from Douglas Adams, from James Joyce's little-known children's book, The Cat and The Devil. Thanks to him, I became the girl who preferred to pore over the Scholastic Book Club's monthly catalogs than flipping through Cosmo Girl.

He is the one who urged me to learn, to explore my interests. I may not aspire to be a physicist, for example, but I have nothing but respect for and can speak at length about Richard Feynman, his contributions to society, and his love for safecracking. He assisted me in my studies of HTML and CSS, even though they were primarily driven by my wish to have an attractive Neopets user page rather than my aspirations of becoming a software engineer. My father encouraged my love of service. While most parents would look at spring break as the ideal time to study, my father uncomplainingly makes the one hour drive to the science school campgrounds in Santa Cruz every year, just so I can regale him with tales of kissing banana slugs, falling into the river, and being forced to dance on stage with the rest of the cabin leaders.

This man taught me to love the many languages of the world and to never forget the importance of good music. Our movie nights consisted of us watching Akira Kurosawa and Federico Fellini dramas. We sang along, however poorly, to Italian operettas and to the soundtracks of old Hindi films. He taught me to value traditions, but encouraged me to create my own. "Winter Wonderland" has long been a Christmas staple in our household, but Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas Is You" has received prominent airplay as well. Because of him, I can appreciate a good game of soccer, despite my belief in Arsenal's superiority over his beloved Manchester United. And after dissecting every Bond movie ever made together, I now know how to best escape a hostage situation using only a Rolex and a deft pair of hands.

My father inspired me to study philosophy, to cook fine French food, to appreciate a well-written thank you note. He taught me that a wise man has at least forgotten Latin, to never shake someone's hand sitting down, and to never miss the team photo - "not pictured" is no way to go through life. He is an abstract artist, a science fictionist, an extraordinarily funny character, and a compulsive thinker, and if I ended up being one-tenth of the person he is today, I think that would be an achievement, indeed.


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