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'Not tying myself to a tree' - Roomie Supplement.


cathy2595 3 / 3  
Dec 28, 2012   #1
Prompt: Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.

Can someone please read this I had trouble writing this. I know I have a lot of mistakes but don't be afraid to be highly critical.

Dear Roomie,

I presume I should warn you about my weirdness before we meet. Then again we have an entire semester to learn about each other's strange tendencies.

Where shall I begin? At first glance, I will appear like a shy girl who smiles and snickers at everything you may say. As time goes on, I will begin to bombard you with stories about nature that are not even amusing, just to see if you will approve of me. When we get past our initial awkwardness, you'll see very quickly that you probably won't keep me quiet. I'll be like your very own mosquito that won't stop buzzing in your ear. At this point, you're probably thinking "YIKES!" my roommate is going to be some weird Environmental Hippie, one of those nature freaks that ties themselves to a tree to protect the environment.

Although that is partial true I don't think I will ever tie myself to a tree and if you're lucky you will see the side of me that enjoys being young, wild and free. Okay maybe not the wild part; I am prudish.

Even though I'd love to spill my life story to you in this letter, I won't, I think part of the joy in life is the mystery, not knowing what you are getting yourself into. However, my advice to you is be prepared for my energetic, loud free spirit. And if you smell nail polish before you enter the dorm room that means you're in the right place, I may be a science nerd but that does not mean I am not a girly girly.

Sincerely, Your Future Roommate

ding377 1 / 29 2  
Dec 28, 2012   #2
At first glance, I will appear like a shy girl who smiles and snickers at everything you may say.

you're probably thinking "YIKES! M y roommate is going to be some weird e nvironmental h ippie, one of those nature freaks that ties themselves to a tree to protect the environment."

Although that is partially true, I don't think I willI'll ever tie myself to a tree, and if you're lucky,you willyou'll see the side of me that enjoys being young, wild, and free.

Even though I'd love to spill my life story to you in this letter, I won't. I think part of the joy in life

my advice to you is to be prepared for my energetic, loud, free spirit.

And if you smell nail polish before you enter the dorm room, that means you're in the right place. I may be a science nerd, but that does not mean I am not a girly girly .

Haha, yeah. I'm also applying to Stanford, and this essay gave me a bit of trouble too. I think in some parts of your letter, your personality really shines through. In other parts, though, you seem a little too formal, especially when you don't use contractions. If I were you, I'd change two things about the essay:

1) Put in your name! If you're introducing yourself to your roommate for the first time, wouldn't your name be in there somewhere?
2) I noticed that your essay is only about 1500 characters. Stanford allows you to go up to 2000, so add more. It gives you more room to add in your personality :)

Good luck on your application!


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