"Typhoon Haiyan" - significant experience for ADMU Essay

Hi. I just want to ask help if my introduction for my ADMU essay is okay. So here it goes:

9 months ago, Super Typhoon Haiyan, one of the strongest typhoons ever recorded, mercilessly devastated my home, Tacloban City. The said typhoon is the deadliest one killing thousands of my fellow Taclobanons, wreaking havoc on the Philippines. As if fate destined me to live, my life was spared from demise.

Trip back down to memory lane, Yolanda was a lament out of the blue. Frankly, I just knew about it on the 7th of November. I was supposed to be competing in a chess tournament on that day, but 'twas posponed due to the typhoon. Who would've thought that that typhoon would put my town in such detriment? Who would've thought that that typhoon would put my family and my life at stake?

Please tell me if there are necessary corrections and if I should change my essay because of its mediocrity. Thank you po. :)

Hi Kabayan! I am from Philippines, too.

Make your introduction in one paragraph.


I was supposed to becompetingcompete in a chess tournament on that day, but 'twasit was post poned due to the typhoon.(Avoid contraction)

Who would have thought that that typhoon would put my town in such detrimentdevastatingly ?

I'm glad to have you on board :D . Break a leg. Sana makapasok ka sa ADMU!

So you mean that I should delete my 1st paragraph and start with the second? :)

Definitely not. Just combine them in one paragraph. An introduction is typically presented in one paragraph.