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UBC Personal Profile essay - About my aspirations and describing myself

kathleenjeanne 1 / 1 2  
Jan 4, 2020   #1

who am i?

I am a highly-motivated and ambitious individual with a great passion in pursuing a balanced and fulfilling life. Growing up, I witnessed my parents struggle with monetary issues and discrimination. Regardless, my parents were incredibly tenacious in their work and have been relentless in being excellent, pious caregivers for their children. As a result, I got heavily influenced by their devotion and was enveloped by a strong determination to establish a secure haven for my family while channeling that energy to infuse inspiration to those around me.

Although my aspirations were supported by my family's robust belief and dedication, I had once spiraled into uncertainty during my youth. To re-incite confidence and assurance, I had embarked on a long journey and my curious nature and eagerness to learn have contributed a lot. They pushed me to join many activities, ranging from debate club to community services outside of school; consequently, allowing people to describe me as a mature, responsible person who values growth, changes and the diversity of perspectives.

During this quest, I learned that it is crucial to always strive in being a dynamic person who conducts everything with diligence. I am also glad to have discovered my integrity and voice as I surround myself with interesting and empowering people. In the end, I realized that journeys ought to be tiring, yet I am proud to have held a faith along the way - what we see now is but a pebble, whereas larger rocks are still waiting ahead.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,135 3271  
Jan 11, 2020   #2
This is an example of an empty essay. While you wrote 250 words in the essay, you did not really introduce who you are to the reviewer. There is a lack of focus in the essay. Since you did not provide the prompt that you are responding to, I cannot really assess whether or not you have written an essay that is even close to responding to the prompt you have chosen to respond to. There is no personality development being discussed aside from a skimmed over reference to ""uncertainty during my youth". There is no explanation as to what this was, what happened, how you realized this was wrong, and what you did personally, to overcome this. Don't discuss your family and their participation. Merely mention them in passing. This all about you. The reviewer wants to know if you are truly ready for college and the constant mention of your family will only prove that you are not ready for college.

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