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The tutor - Ubc personal profile essay

joshuajacobj7 1 / -  
Nov 22, 2019   #1

Tell us about who you are.

How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why.

Joshua's friends see him as an approachable, interesting and smart person. He is very active in class and is ready to help anyone who is struggling with a subject. He could also be loving and caring by helping and encouraging anyone who feels down or stressed with school. Moreover, He respects everyone and their opinions.

His family is always proud of him. They would describe him as a hardworking, responsible and enthusiastic person. He always does his chores and responsibilities in the house and he never makes anyone mad or hurt. His positive attitude makes the house more comforting.

I am really proud of my ability to communicate, tutor and help my friends understand a subject. I take it as a challenge to teach my friends until they are able to explain the topic to me. Once I had to skip lunch to prepare my friend for a test. I was delighted to know that he did very well in that test than he usually did. The main reason I tutor them is to not get credit when they do well but to give them confidence in what they are learning. By doing this, I not only improve my skills but I help my friends do well on a course and make them glad.

Maria - / 1,099 389  
Nov 22, 2019   #2
Hi there. Thanks for being a part of the forum! I hope my feedback gives you an idea on how to improve your writing.

Firstly, try to be more consistent with your usage of perspectives in writing. For instance, the first paragraph appears to be in a third-person point-of-view, however you ended up shifting to a first-person point-of-view by the very end. I heavily suggest, in this particular type of writing, to stick with the first-person point-of-view, especially because that is what is being asked of you.

It would also be better if you can categorize and substantiate details more throughout your writing. For instance, in this particular text, it is quite clear that you should have had a value-based approach to writing because you were mostly describing what makes your personality stand out. In that regard, it would be better to introduce a particular value, back it up with details and experiences that provide evidence that you do have this trait, and then cap it with a personal anecdote. This will make your writing a lot more effective in convincing the readers about your personal experiences.

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