UGA admissions essay: Tell an extraordinnare story which you didn't mentioned in your application

Hey everyone! One of the UGA essay prompts says: "The college admissions process can create anxiety. In an attempt to make it less stressful, please tell us an interesting or amusing story about yourself that you have not already shared in your application."

Here is the first draft of mine. Do you think it accomplishes what the prompt is asking? Does it stand out? Thanks in advance for any corrections/suggestions!

Essay

the Panda Foundation

In the third grade, after learning about the plight of the Great Panda and the struggle of conservationists to remove the creature from the endangered species list, my best friend Sydney and I decided that we were going to do something to make a difference for these magnificent beings. So, after an afternoon of brainstorming over Capri-sun, we officially formed the "Maddy and Sydney Panda Foundation". Never mind that we had no money for the success of our endeavor; that didn't matter to us! Equipped with our confidence and desire to incite positive change in the world, we immediately set out to educate our friends and classmates on the Great Panda and its struggles for survival. We talked about pandas and their unique lifestyles to anyone who would lend us an ear, whether it be our parents, our siblings, our fellow students, or even our amazing teacher, Mrs. Beck. In fact, after hearing Sydney and I discuss the conservation efforts of Chinese scientists at lunch one day, she pulled us aside and gave us some valuable advice that I have never forgotten: "Never give up on your passion, no matter how far out of reach it may seem or how many people doubt you." Although the "Maddy and Sydney Panda Foundation" didn't survive past the end of that school year, I still view it as the foundation of my passion for making a difference. As I participate in new endeavors in my high school career, it is always my dedication to the pandas and the advice from Mrs. Beck that I look back on to propel me towards my next challenge. Even as I start my journey into college and beyond, the Panda Foundation remains one of the main reasons that I have chosen a path of study in the field of government and politics; even if homemade fliers and lunch table conversations couldn't save the pandas, I know that with a career in government I can promote the issues that I care about on a much larger platform.

The story sounds interesting, and it presents well your good character. This could be a good answer for a question about your motivation in pursuing the field of government and politics. To this question, maybe adding some fun details about how you and your friend Sydney - 2 third-graders - educated your families and classmates about Great Panda can make the interview/application process less stressful - which is what they asked you to do.

Hope this helps.Good luck!

Madison, don't use a third grade reference to respond to this essay. That is such a childish undertaking that, as you can see from your presentation, your desire to make it a reality did not even last a whole year. What the reviewer is looking for here is a reference to something light and entertaining from you. Perhaps a story about a road trip with your friends gone wrong that taught you some moral lessons. Or some activity that you did not have a background in when you first tried it so everything that could go wrong went wrong. Again, there was a lesson to be learned from that experience. This is supposed to be an entertaining and comical look into your personality and how you deal with situations that don't go according to plan. Just like a college application. I am sure you had some SNAFU's during the application process that left you laughing in stitches when you realized the mistake you had just made. Think about your comical side. How do you find something to laugh about in the face of (imminent) failure? What is the method that you use to find the silver lining within a dark cloud? In other words, show the reviewer how you find a way to "Keep Calm and Whatever" when faced with an anxiety riddled situation. But make sure that it relates more to your high school, extra curricular, or other related, more recent experiences. Don't use anything older than your first year in high school to discuss the essay prompt.