Instructions were to describe what was happening in life during term/terms of academic difficulty. Provide in-depth description of you are now prepared to make satisfactory academic progress. Talk about problem-solving methods used to make positive changes in life and to ultimately become a successful student.
Thanks in advance,
RDR
Dear Dean Mackey:
I was academically dismissed after not meeting Satisfactory Academic Progress in Spring 2011. Since I was physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted from events occurring in the past two semesters, I'd decided to take some time to resolve the issues interfering with my academic progress, and renew my fervor for learning.
When I enrolled in Empire State College, I'd had all intentions of doing my all to be a successful student. My first semester ended satisfactorily and I believed that the next semester would only get better. Once my second semester began, I became more comfortable with online learning. I was completing my work in a timely manner and had a system for managing school, work, and my children. What I hadn't taken into account was my ailing father, for whom I was the only caregiver.
Approximately five weeks into the Fall 2010 semester, my father was called to receive a kidney transplant. I was enthusiastic about his recovery and proceeded to engage in discussion posts and coursework. Although I'd felt that I'd been stretched a bit thin by that time, I was still confident that I could continue on with my courses. It was not until there had been complications leading to the transplant having to be done over, as well as a life threatening viral blood infection in my father, that lead me to ask for an exception to the college's written withdrawal policy to withdraw from two of the courses that I had registered for that semester in order to devote more time to caring for him.
Although the fall semester had been difficult, the spring semester was unbearable. No sooner had I learned of my pregnancy than I'd had a miscarriage. I became sullen and withdrawn. I did not deal with the loss very well. My coping mechanisms were to eat and sleep. I didn't even try to log in. I received a letter shortly thereafter stating that I had been dropped from my classes.
In the time that I have been away from ESC, I have taken steps to ensure that, not only do I make satisfactory academic progress, but also excel at the tasks put before me. I've developed better coping mechanisms, study habits, and more productive outlets for my emotions. I've learned to prioritize when I'm feeling overwhelmed as well as recognize the difference between what is imperative and what is important. I have set clear goals for myself, and plan to implement a new system for time management and task completion.
The main issues that I had to deal with which caused my academic difficulty have resolved themselves. My father is now well and thriving, my children are now older and more autonomous, and I have learned to value my education and myself. I have learned much about myself in the past year and a half; the most important thing being that no matter what obstacles life has for me, I will keep striving.
Wow! You have definitely faced serious adversity, and I think it is lovely that you and your family have recovered and that you are now able to continue your education. Congratulations.
Overall, this essay is very good. It is well organized and easy to follow. What's more, you absolutely convey the magnitude of your struggles, and you definitely succeeded in earning my sympathy. Honestly, all of my edits are just nit-picky.
You tend to use a lot of simple sentences. While this is effective for maintaining clarity and conveying your distress, combining some of these sentences would make your writing sound more mature and sophisticated.
Dear Dean Mackey:
I was academically dismissed after not meeting Satisfactory Academic Progress in Spring 2011. Since I was Physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted from events occurring in the past two semesters, I had decided to take some time off to resolve the issues interfering with my academic progress, and to renew my fervor for learning. As "renew my fervor for learning" is not an independent clause, your comma was grammatically incorrect.
When I enrolled in Empire State College, I'd had all intentions of doing my best to be a successful student. My first semester ended satisfactorily, and I believed that the next semester would only get better. Here, "I believed that the next semester would get better" is an independent clause. Thus, a comma is required if you wish to combine the two independent clauses. Once my second semester began, I became more comfortable with online learning. I was completing my work in a timely manner and had a system for managing school, work, and my children. What I hadn't taken into account was my ailing father, for whom I was the only caregiver.While this is grammatically correct, it is a bit awkward.
Approximately five weeks into the Fall 2010 semester, my father was called to receive a kidney transplant. I was enthusiastic about his recovery and proceeded to engage in discussion posts and coursework. Although I'd felt that I had been stretched a bit thin at that time, I still believed (Active voice > passive voice) that I could continue on with my courses. It was not until there had been complications leading to the transplant having to be done over, as well as a life threatening viral blood infection in my father, that lead me to ask for an exception to the college's written withdrawal policy to withdraw from two of the courses that I had registered for that semester in order to devote more time to caring for him.However, complications with my father's transplant soon caused him to undergo an additional operation, and he developed a life threatening viral blood infection. Hoping to withdraw from two courses in order to devote more time to caring for my father, I asked for an exemption to the college's written withdrawal policy only after these crises presented themselves.
Although the fall semester had been difficult, the spring semester was unbearable. No sooner had I learned of my pregnancy than I'd had a miscarriage. I became sullen and withdrawn.Shortly after learning of my pregnancy, I miscarried, and I became sullen and withdrawn.I did not deal with the loss very well. My coping mechanisms were to eat and sleep.Unable to deal with my loss appropriately, I fell into a depression and found that my only coping mechanisms were to eat and sleep. I didn't even try to log in. Shortly after my miscarriage, /font]I received a letter stating that I had been dropped from my classes.
In the time that I have been away from ESC, I have taken steps to ensure that, not only do I make satisfactory academic progress, but I also excel at the tasks put before me. I have developed better coping mechanisms, study habits, and more productive outlets for my emotions. I have learned to prioritize when I'm feeling overwhelmed as well as recognize the difference between what is imperative and what is important. I have set clear goals for myself, and I plan to implement a new system for time management and task completion.
The main issues that I had to deal with which caused my academic difficulty have resolved themselves. My father is now well and thriving, my children are now older and more autonomous, and I have learned to value my education and development . I have learned much about myself in the past year and a half. Most importantly, I have learned that, no matter what obstacles life has for me, I will keep striving.
