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Unique Qualities of U of Michigan. Can anyone revise it and tell me if it answer the question?


Cli 1 / 1  
Oct 28, 2012   #1
Describe the unique qualities that attract you to the specific undergraduate College or School (including preferred admission and dual degree programs) to which you are applying at the University of Michigan. How would that curriculum support your interests? (500 words maximum)

Can anyone revise it and tell me if it answer the question. Also, please check my grammar.

As long I can remember, I have always been receiving help from others. Every time I needed help, someone would come to me and help without saying anything. I felt ashamed of myself every time I received help from others. I don't have the authority to be helped; I don't want to be helped. The reason are simple, I can't ever lend a hand to someone I don't know of. I always sense myself feeling guilty for receiving help.

I couldn't even help someone who help me before. I was in a shopping mall once, mistakenly knock off a basket of fruit. I was scared that time, dropping half of the fruit I picked up. A boy came over, picking up the fruit saying nothing; he's not even a worker. Later, he walked away only smiled. I was very appreciated. The next time I see him, he mistakenly knock off a basket of fruit too. I walk toward him, or should I said I tried to. My feet can't even move an inch toward him, all I did is stood, and watched. I hate myself that time. I'm was just a coward that could not even look in someone's eyes.

I don't mind being a coward, as long I am able to help others. I want to pay my debt back to those I owe something and being able to give something to someone for free. Wish the world can start a chain reaction, a chain that a little help from one person can leads to a big help to others. I want to help other in different forms. I found myself a chance in the University of Michigan, where I have been interested for long time, also a place has the major, program, and chances for me to help others.

In the University of Michigan, I can have my dream become a reality. University of Michigan has the best medical school in Michigan. Graduating from the medical school of this university will give me a highly developed skill-set to help others. University of Michigan is also outstanding at economic field. Economy is where we can change the society. Thinking of the child in hunger, the unemployed teenager, we can change it all in economy. Even though what I will accomplish depends on how hard I try in school, the University of Michigan teaches deeper knowledge than other universities. I will accomplish what I wished, no matter how thick the wall is.

Another thing interest me in this university is the double major program. This program is where I can take both medical and economic major. Join this program I can find myself helping numerous people. It hard to take two serious majors together, but life without any challenges are boring. I would love being to overcome my challenge can give me a chance to help others.
yeongjia 1 / 5 1  
Oct 28, 2012   #2
If I were you, i would read through the passage again and try to see if it sounds right. But there are some changes to be made, i'm going to point out a few examples and help you out. You will get the idea slowly and i'm sure you will be able to change the rest. Its not wrong, but instead of writing many sentences, you can link them up and make them look better (possibly score more marks). Try to use commas or "and"s as much as you can until you really need to introduce a new point. Also, try to summarize it as much as you can, make it very brief so that everyone understands.

I have always been receiving help from THE others. Every time I needed help, someone would come to me and help without a second thought .

The reason are simple, I can never lend a hand to a strangerAND I always sense myself feeling guilty for receiving help.

I know its not much but i hope this helps, cheers and good luck.
OP Cli 1 / 1  
Oct 28, 2012   #3
Thanks, can you give some more advice


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