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I want to be unique and special; I never wanted to be conventional like others - Application essay



sa1na 9 / 72  
Oct 6, 2014   #1
X University provides its students the freedom to pursue majors and minors within and across the different schools and colleges of the University. In no more than two paragraphs, discuss your academic goals and how X University would help you achieve them. (250 word limit - no minimum)

I cannot precisely illustrate how I see myself when looking into what lies ahead. I want it to be unique and special; I never wanted to be conventional -like others, and I never wanted a normal life -just working to earn money, and living a life that would not have a great purpose or influence on others' lives or on the entire world. Admittedly, there are lots of people picturing the same way; however, what makes me different is my enthusiasm and sureness. I know what subjects I am fascinated by, which are computer, programming, and also psychology.

[...]

vangiespen - / 4077  
Oct 7, 2014   #2
Sa1na,you totally missed the point of the essay prompt. It is not asking you to discuss the non-existence of your ambition in life. It is not asking you how you will persevere in order to learn at the university either. The only answer that you gave which was close to answering the prompt was the line that says

I know what subjects I am fascinated by, which are computer, programming, and also psychology.

That simple line is the backbone of the essay. Have you done research into the classes offered by the university? Do you have an idea of what classes you want to take and why? Does it relate to your interest in the aforementioned fields of study? If the answer to those questions turns out to be yes, then you have found the answers that will satisfy the prompt. Talk about the classes that you are looking forward to attending and why. Mention any notable professors whose classes you look forward to taking. If you are interested in any internship programs that the university offers, talk about it. Those are the answers that will answer the prompt:

discuss your academic goals and how X University would help you achieve them

All those answers will completely satisfy the provided prompt :-)
OP sa1na 9 / 72  
Oct 7, 2014   #3
Revised , thanks to vangiespen for her/his ? reaaaly handy suggestions

Unlike most of the people entering a university, I precisely know what subjects I am fascinated by, which are computer, programming, and also psychology. Most of the universities provide the opportunities to follow majors and minors related to my fields of interest; however, American University provides its students with opportunities no where can be found. NATIONAL SCIENCE FOUNDATION, AU CAREER CENTER (AU STUDENTS ONLY), SPIN, and etc, are all job opportunities quenching my eagerness for being contributing during my study years. These give me the chance of enhancing my knowledge and my sense of responsibility not only by studying regular courses, but also by participating in different careers.

[...]
vangiespen - / 4077  
Oct 7, 2014   #4
Sa1na, I'm a her :-) More editing coming your way :-)

Unlike most of the people entering a university, I precisely know what subjects I am fascinated by, which are computer, programming, and also psychology.

American University provides its students with opportunitiesno where can be found .

- ... that cannot be found anywhere else in the world .

NATIONAL SCIENCE FOUNDATION, AU CAREER CENTER (AU STUDENTS ONLY), SPIN, and etc, are all job opportunities quenching my eagerness for being contributing during my study years. These give me the chance of enhancing my knowledge and my sense of responsibility not only by studying regular courses, but also by participating in different careers.

- Why are you shouting at the admissions officer? Do not use all caps when writing essays unless specified in the instructions. All caps is only acceptable when it serves as an acronym.

- Explain how each of these places (?) / courses located within the university will help you advance academically. Give the reader a reason to believe that these are truly courses or programs that will help you during your studies at the university.

Moreover, what really caught my attention were the opportunities for Computer Science students to participate in annually competitions, and exhibit their computer projects in conferences held yearly. I would be grateful having Josh McCoy, Mohammad Owrang Ojaboni, and other reverenced computer science professors substantiating me as a student, and I would be gratified having them confirming my work of science.

- I am particularly excited by the opportunity to participate in the annual computer science competitions under the able tutelage of revered computer science professors JOsh McCoy and Mohammad Owrang Ojaboni. I would consider it the greatest honor to have them validate my early work in the scientific field of computing.

Sa1na, see if this version works for you. Don't forget the revision I explained above. Chose just one program to describe. It does not have to be a whole list. We just need to illustrate how you would use the program to your advantage :-) We can cut it down to 250 when everything has been set in place.
OP sa1na 9 / 72  
Oct 7, 2014   #5
Unlike most of the people entering a university, I know what subjects I am fascinated by: computer, programming, and psychology. Most of the universities provide the opportunities to follow majors and minors related to my fields of interest; however, American University provides its students with opportunities that cannot be found anywhere else. National Science Foundation, AU Career Center, and etc, are all job opportunities quenching my eagerness for being contributing during my study years. Most inspiring is the opportunity to work with the School of Education, Teaching, and Health and train a child while building my own professional skills. These give me the chance of enhancing my knowledge and my sense of responsibility not only by studying regular courses, but also by participating in different careers.

Moreover, I am particularly gratified by the opportunity to participate in the annual computer science competitions under the able tutelage of revered computer science professors JOsh McCoy and Mohammad Owrang Ojaboni. I would consider it the greatest honor to have them validate my early work in the field of computing.

Additionally amusing are the research opportunities provided in the psychology field such as The Influence of Emotions on Food Preferences and The Effect of Mental Activities on Performance. I am inspired for having this vast area of opportunities under my minor field.

Overall, enthusiast by the opportunities I would have as an undergraduate student, I trust that I would be supported comprehensively in my way to the so-called "infinite" world of science and research.
vangiespen - / 4077  
Oct 7, 2014   #6
Additionally amusing are the research opportunities provided i

- Do not say "additionally amusing" amusing means you will be entertained. You are not in school to be entertained. You are there to be inspired and to learn. So you must be excited or inspired, but never amused.

I am inspired for having this vast area of opportunities under my minor field.

- I am inspired by the seemingly endless opportunities being presented to me even in my minor field of study.

Overall, enthusiast by the opportunities I would have as an undergraduate student, I trust that I would be supported comprehensively in my way to the so-called "infinite" world of science and research.

- I am quite enthusiastic about the undergraduate opportunities offered by XX university. It is quite evident that I have made the right choice because of the comprehensive support system in place for the students, regardless of their major.


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