University of Michigan essay. Reasons you are interested in pharmacy.

Im kind of new to this but i have seen how helpful it is for other students. Im going to major in pharmacy. I will appreciate any feedback. thank You

[e} College of Literature, Science, and the Arts (LSA) What led you to choose the area(s) of academic interest that you have listed in your application to the University of Michigan? If you are undecided, what areas are you most interested in, and why? (250 words)

Growing up many children dream of becoming a firefighter or a doctor. As for myself I had no idea of what I wanted to do. It was so very overwhelming trying to think of something I wanted to do for the rest of my life. As I grew up I began to explore more of my interests, and learned what I am truly passionate about. My area of academic interest is pharmacy.

Initially, I chose to go into pharmacy because I was told it was a good field to enter into. It has a higher job outlook then that of other occupations and it also has a good yearly wage rate. However, I realized there is much more to pharmacy than I once thought. It will challenge me in more than just learning chemistry and mathematics. I will greatly enjoy helping people in other ways then that of a doctor. I will be working with patients, physicians, and other health practitioners on the effects, dosages, and much more about medications. In addition to helping people, I will also enjoy being social with the different patients I will encounter each day. As I continue with my career, I will begin to develop relations with some of these patients and start to care about them as if they were a member of my family. Also with my co-workers, I will grow to know them and create friendships with them.

I look forward to begin my studies at the University of Michigan. I hope I create many other reasons on why I will enjoy becoming a pharmacist. I plan on working hard to achieve my goals and becoming the best I can be.

Growing up many children dream of becoming a firefighter or a doctor. As for myself I had no idea of what I wanted to do. ---- looking at these two sentences, which do you think makes the reader feel curious? One is a statement of the obvious, but the other is bearing a little of your soul. Attending to the reader's experience, then, you should start by hitting them with the curiosity sentence:

Growing up many children dream of becoming a firefighter or a doctor. As a child, I had no idea of what I wanted to do.

Your first para basically says you are not one of those people who knew early on what you wanted to do, but that you eventually decided on pharmacy. If you are not saying anything particularly interesting, it can't be good writing. Make an impression; what can you say that will intrigue the reader? Have a purpose in mind.

The second paragraph also makes you seem like an average candidate rather than an especially motivated one. What if your interest in pharmacy was linked to your philosophy of medicine, which was based on the principles of critical thinking as you learned them from a book by Keeley and Brown? Then you would have a reaal story to tell. Intrigue the reader by going deep in your contemplation of the significance of pharmacy in 21st century medicine. This essan, right now, is very average!! :-) I'm sure you can write something... gripping!