Please let me know what I need to change, in order to make it count as an outstanding essay. Feel free to go as harsh as you want
Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)
Word Count: 251
Defining my life into a subgroup of society is ridiculous (ïbetter word). I belong to a great body of communities which is made up of everything I dedicate my life to each and every day. Although they may all be different, there is one common factor shared; they all build up a community of self-motivated, intelligent, knowledge-thirsty people who aim to emerge as superior individuals.
Within this hybrid complex, Islam serves as the heart and soul. Even though I come from a primarily Christian society, I have come to learn being Muslim is not just a religious status but rather it is my guide to life. Praying the five daily prayers and exercising Islamic morals and behavior, proves how passionate I am about my religion.
Along with Islam, the veins of this community are infused with my Bengali roots. Twenty years ago, my parents emigrated from Bangladesh to America. Since then, the rich culture and language has been maintained through the family. Being a part of the Bengali community allows me to see two completely different worlds come together, regardless of the similarities and differences.
The commitments that are the driving force behind my creativity, leadership, and organizational skills are Student Council and Diversity Club. Both have occupied an immense deal of time in my high school career. From coordinating charity fundraisers to leading anti-bullying seminars, Student Council and Diversity Club opens me up to an entirely different level of connecting with people and practicing my creativity and positive work ethics.
Hi,
With your first sentence, you are setting up pretty bad mood. By saying "Defining my life into a subgroup of society is ridiculous (ïbetter word)." Basically, you saying that this whole topic is ridiculous, and people who put together too. I totally understand what you mean, and I feel you about this topic, because I understand where you are coming from. Anyways, you should begin by talking not about definition of your life but how do you classify yourself in this life. In the prompt they already acknowledges that all of us belong to many communities and subgroups all at once, but you should describe and define yours. Well, you should start with something like being muslim growing up in christian community.
I hope I am clear in what I am trying to explain.
Oh, I didn't even think of that! Thanks for pointing it out! This is great advice, and I think I understand what you mean. Instead of wasting words on introducing it all I should just get to the main idea?
