UPenn Autobiography Supplement Question- Page 217

could somebody please look over this essay?
I wrote it after having a debate with my father about the topic, and i'm hoping that the essay is good enough. feel free to be harsh

You have just completed your 300-page autobiography. Please submit page 217.

Chapter XXI:

As I cradled my newborn son in one arm, I picked up the letter with my free hand. I trembled as I read it out loud.

" Your Excellency Mr. Majaly,
President of the Jordanian Parliament,

I am writing to you as the First Secretary of the Parliament, as a woman, as a Jordanian citizen, and most importantly as a mother. I respectfully ask that you grant me permission to hold a meeting to discuss and possibly amend the Nationality Law of 1987.

The Nationality Law of 1987 states that a Jordanian man can pass on his identity to his non-Jordanian wife granted she has lived in the country for 3 years if she is an Arab national or 5 years if she is a non-Arab, as well as passing on his nationality to his children. On the other hand, a Jordanian woman marrying a non-Jordanian man can neither pass on her nationality to her children nor grant them residency permits.

Unfortunately, I have not come to understand the impact of this law until I had a child of my own. I was previously assigned as a Jordanian ambassador to discuss international marketing and international policies and regulations overseas. While abroad, I found the man of my dreams. I happily married him. However, I was unaware of the complications brought along by marrying a non-Jordanian.

As you know, my profession limits me to Jordanian grounds; I am proudly residing in my country of birth, and would like to continue to do so. However, I must now consider the newest member of my family, my son. My son cannot be granted a Jordanian citizenship, or any citizenship at this point for that matter. This means that he may not enjoy any privileges that are rightfully his by birth on Jordanian soils. Therefore, he may not have access to a proper education, receive social entitlements and health benefits, or own political rights. Although born on this glorious soil, he will live like a foreigner, needing to renew his residency permits every year.

I assure you that with further inquiring, there will be more women facing this challenge. Therefore, through calling a meeting, I would like to form a committee to investigate this matter, and find a way to amend this legislation. Not only is this law outdated, it is also considered to be discriminatory against women, and it could eventually end up violating human rights.

Respectfully yours,
Rayah Haidar Al-Farah"

"I'm proud of you" he said, as he kissed me on the forehead, and gently picked up his son from my arms.

thanks

The Nationality Law of 1987 states that a Jordanian man can pass on his identity to his non-Jordanian wife granted she has lived in the country for 3 years if she is an Arab national or 5 years if she is a non-Arab, as well as passing on his nationality to his children.

---This sentence is trying to explain way too much. I'm confused especially about the highlighted part. Are you trying to say citizenship?

I was previously assigned as a Jordanian ambassador todiscuss international marketing and international policies and regulations overseas.
Use commas

Very good essay the expresses your goals and character.

Return the favor and read my essay please:

could you also review my UPenn supplement essay?

Benjamin Franklin established the Union Fire Company, the Library Company of Philadelphia, the American Philosophical Society, Pennsylvania Hospital, and, of course, the charity school that evolved into the University of Pennsylvania. As they served the larger community of Philadelphia, each institution in turn formed its own community.

Which of the academic communities and social communities that now comprise the University of Pennsylvania are most interesting to you and how will you contribute to them and to the larger Penn community?

"All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I believe that my life is composed of multiple experiments, and I hope that one day the University of Pennsylvania will provide a number of these experiments. One aspect that attracted me to the University of Pennsylvania, and distinguished it from others, is that it manages to provide many fields for prospective students to participate in and contribute to.

For as long as I can remember, I have witnessed stereotyping and have been subject to many of it. I come from a developing Arab country, which puts me under quite a few spotlights and exposes me to many stereotypes. I believe that one of my responsibilities as an Arab is to clarify and rebut many of these potentially harmful labels. Therefore, the first organization I would join in the University of Pennsylvania is the Penn Arab Students Society (PASS). I believe that this organization would help me express my opinions more clearly, and it will help me discuss issues related to my region with whoever is interested. I can contribute to that association through my passion for political discussions, knowledge of the Middle Eastern history, and affiliation with Arab traditions and customs. This could benefit the larger Penn community simply by raising awareness regarding the Middle Eastern and generally Arab area of the world.

The second organization I would join once in UPenn is the Awareness of International Markets (AIM). Recently, I have developed a deep interest in macroeconomics, more specifically in international policies and regulations. I sometimes find myself arguing over many international affairs, basing my arguments on what I observe in the market and applying the situation to what I have learned in my economics class. Just recently, I reasoned the Netherlands' unemployment reduction plan with my uncle who had just returned from a visit. When coming back home for winter break, I found myself analyzing how can Jordan be suffering from the economic recession and still maintain highly inflated prices. Once in AIM, I can further develop my interest in international marketing, and explore the option of forming a career in that path. I believe that my knowledge and passion of macroeconomic will help me bring diversity in thought on the matter of international markets.

Despite many objections presented by the Arab society against pursuing a career in art, I have maintained a steady relationship with it, one technique in particular: etching and printmaking. Once in UPenn, I plan on joining the Art Club in order to continue working with the arts. Etching and printmaking is a beautiful technique that unfortunately is not commonly taught in schools. UPenn's Art Club will provide me with the opportunity to continue enhancing my skills in that technique without having to major in Art.

Furthermore, another aspect of the UPenn community I am interested in is the University of Pennsylvania for UNICEF. I was introduced to the UNICEF movement last year, and I was greatly impressed by what this organization accomplishes and fights for. When I join the University of Pennsylvania for UNICEF, I will be able to actively participate in, and contribute to many of the issues that UNICEF fights for. I could use some of the skills I learned when I was in UNICEF, such as designing videos to raise awareness and organizing many bake sales, to benefit the larger University of Pennsylvania community.

University of Pennsylvania manages to display many academic and social communities that each seems to be unique in its own way. It provides a large variety of activities and organizations for students to actively participate in. Through integrating myself in those diverse activities, I will maximize my experiments in life.

thanks