prompt:considering both the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying and the unique aspects of the University of Pennsylvania, what do you hope to learn from and contribute to the Penn Community?
* only thing is, is that im at 649 words.
- tell me what to take out, keep, ANYTHING! Thank you!!!
As I took my seat in the very first row at the Exploring College Options, I knew I was stepping out on faith. The feeling of being surrounded by peers who share similar interests as me made me a bit indecisive. Within minutes the program began. Each IVY League school shared unique aspects about their school yet only University of Pennsylvania stood out to me. There was something about this school that stood out from the rest but I could not grasp it. A couple weeks later I attended the "Introduction to Penn" for prospective students. Once the Admission Officers played the "true learning" video, it was as if UPenn was designed for me. The Locust walk being described as the heart beat of campus as well as the opportunity to view the world from many perspectives through interdisciplinary study, clearly sets UPenn apart. UPenn attracts students from all over the world creating a culturally diverse learning atmosphere.
At UPenn I hope to learn how to learn. Learn how to conduct research to further my knowledge especially sense it is an important factor in becoming a criminal defense lawyer. I look forward to also learning how to analyze, communicate, and transform facts into knowledge and turn knowledge into understanding as well as push myself to think in different perspectives through the interdisciplinary study offered at UPenn. My exposure to the order of a law case, the bill of rights, and the constitution during the summer in 2010 at the National Youth Leadership Forum on Law and Crime Scene Investigation in Washington D.C., opened my eyes to a career made just for me. Since then my heart belonged to political science. I admire the idea that the schools of arts and sciences reinforces: "students at any level can tackle complex issues with a fresh perspective." This idea not only reflects the type of students involved in the SAS yet it uniquely represents University of Pennsylvania in its entirety. The Political Science Department's curriculum being divided into the four standard fields of American Politics, Comparative Politics, International Relations and Political Theory allots me to pursue a concentration in the sub-field of Political Theory. A concentration in political theory allows me to take courses such as constitution law, political theory and civil rights. Some of the faculty that I found unique was Jeffrey Green, Nancy Hirschmann, and Ellen Kennedy. The opportunity to be taught by such faculty who are experts in combining interest and acquiring new ones while probing the achievements and inner workings on the human mind, draws me to the education both the SAS and UPenn has to offer. The SAS, UPenn, and the faculty re-define what's possible.
My passion is giving to others as well as helping in general. After seeing how involved the Kelly Writer's House is to the Penn Community, I also want to contribute to their movement. I have the desire to make a difference through poetry; allowing my colleagues to feel enriched as well as receiving an inspirational message from it. The background knowledge as well as skill I retain through my senior project, broadcasting a live TV show called Out the Box, will prepare me for the type of outreach Kelly Writer's House is involved with. As class of 1992 alumni Katherine Grant once said, "You will be most successful following your passions."
I want to have the opportunity to push beyond my own boundaries in a place with more than 250 years of momentum. The opportunity to fulfill the three principles the founder Benjamin Franklin believed in: access regardless of background, theory and practical knowledge and know that when I put theory to practice I can make a positive difference in the world. Given the chance to attend UPenn, I will take advantage of every opportunity afforded me to further my education and contribute to the Penn Community.
"As I took my seat in the very first row at the Exploring College Options, I knew I was stepping out on faithtaking a leap of faith? . The feeling of being surrounded by peers who share similar interests as me made me a bit indecisive. Within minutes the program began. Each IVY League school shared unique aspects about their school yet only University of Pennsylvania stood out to me. There was something about this school that stood out from the rest but I could not grasp it. Perhaps explain what "it" is, how you understood Upenn's appeal, etc. A couple weeks later I attended the "Introduction to Penn" for prospective students. Once the Admission Officers played the "true learning" video, it was asI felt as if UPenn was designed for me. The Locust walk being described as the heart beat of campus as well as the opportunity to view the world from many perspectives through interdisciplinary study, clearly sets UPenn apart.Kind of lengthy, find a way to make the Locust walk more relevant UPenn attracts students from all over the world creating a culturally diverse learning atmosphere.
At UPenn I hope to learn how to learn. Learn how to conduct research to further my knowledge especially sensesince it is an important factor in becoming a criminal defense lawyer."
You have the right idea but your writing style could use some work to make it more appealing. Try not to just rattle off things, but make it a creative essay that personalizes yourself and lets the admissions offer know what you offer. It's kind of hard to tell what your main passion is, you've scattered your interests throughout. Try to focus on how you will pursue your favorite interests, and then throw in the others to show how you fit into the diverse community, how you will learn more, etc.
