How I discovered my comedic side. I'm not sure if the essay is effective enough at relying a solid message, or needs more of a conclusion for an admissions essay. It's also a sentence or two too long. Can any help Please?
Prompt:
* Newton's First Law of Motion states that an object in motion tends to stay in motion in the same direction unless acted upon by an external force. Tell us about an external influence (a person, an event, etc.) that affected you and how it caused you to change direction.
The earth-shaded cobblestones had been glazed with rain the evening of Ben's birthday party. His backyard looked sprinkled with partygoers, and I stood by the Koi pond, but not for long. My legs swiftly took flight off the wet floor, and before I knew it, I fell into the pond. At that moment, the yellow sign "Slippery when wet" flashed in my mind. It is funny how such an obvious phrase can possess such profound impact.
I fell hard. Luckily, my head broke my fall. It landed square on the hard part of a rock. I was not sure what happened, but I was certain I hit my head. Not because I could feel it, but because the distinct sound of a "thud" rang through my skull. Oddly enough, I felt no pain. Maybe I did not fall so hard. Perhaps I was just wet and humiliated. Yet, when I tried to lift myself out of the water, the task seamed nearly impossible. By then, a crowd gathered around me. I looked around and saw twice as many people through double vision. I tried once again to get up, but nothing happened!
Why does this not hurt?
I looked down at my body, and saw my appendages drooping like spaghetti. My limp noodle arms floated across the murky water, alongside the coy. Friends rushed over to help me out of the pond, but my feet did not seem to work. I could not move, or hardly even talk. I just laid motionless in the pond, staring up at my friends like a lifeless pile of Jell-O asking, "Am I okay?" Everyone just stared. That's when the fear hit me. I was damaged goods. I must be paralyzed! The combination of fear and adrenaline that shot through my veins nearly made me vomit. The only ones more frightened than I was, were probably the fish.
My whole life, I have never been one to take many risks. I always saw myself as a quiet, introspective child, always taking unnecessary percussion to avoid injury. Often times I would shy away from even potentially dangerous actives. Who knows, I could turn a corner and come face to face with an eighteen wheeler driven by some guy on his cell phone, or get gunned down for a gang initiation, or spontaneously combust! I was neurotic. Then suddenly, like some self fulfilling prophecy, I have been granted what I have always feared the most. Would forever be condemned this numb existence?
Then the tangling of a million tiny, black ants began at my toes. They kept crawling, marching up my legs towards my hips. The brigade grew into a colony as the ants stopped onward, past my stomach and into my hands. I could feel the little buggers nibbling at my fingertips, crawling under my shirt and up my back until my whole body felt infested with these tiny, crawling superorganisms. Then suddenly, they vanished.
I could feel the water and my wet clothing as they clung to my skin. I sensed the cold. Oh, how I missed the cold. Muscles contracted and ligaments bent as I soon possessed the strength to lift myself out of the pond. My thighs and biceps did their job as I pushed myself to a standing position. I can stand!
Then like some overjoyed birthday clown, I let out the most uproarious laugh. I thought of how funny I looked slipping into that Koi pond. I kept laughing. I laughed because it was the only way to deal with the fear and pain of my injury. It was then that a realization hit me like a bolt of lighting. I learned how wrong I was. Life is precious, and though there may by over six billion of us living, breathing, hearts pounding and only inches from death, this life was mine and I only get one, so I should make the best of it.
Life can end without warning, and that scares me more than anything. For this reason, I laugh. Maybe the impact shook something loose, rendering me not quite right, or perhaps it granted me a freedom from fear that can only be cured through laughter. It was that night where I found my life's philosophy, my purpose, my reason to spread awareness and the solutions to my fears of death-comedy.
Prompt:
* Newton's First Law of Motion states that an object in motion tends to stay in motion in the same direction unless acted upon by an external force. Tell us about an external influence (a person, an event, etc.) that affected you and how it caused you to change direction.
The earth-shaded cobblestones had been glazed with rain the evening of Ben's birthday party. His backyard looked sprinkled with partygoers, and I stood by the Koi pond, but not for long. My legs swiftly took flight off the wet floor, and before I knew it, I fell into the pond. At that moment, the yellow sign "Slippery when wet" flashed in my mind. It is funny how such an obvious phrase can possess such profound impact.
I fell hard. Luckily, my head broke my fall. It landed square on the hard part of a rock. I was not sure what happened, but I was certain I hit my head. Not because I could feel it, but because the distinct sound of a "thud" rang through my skull. Oddly enough, I felt no pain. Maybe I did not fall so hard. Perhaps I was just wet and humiliated. Yet, when I tried to lift myself out of the water, the task seamed nearly impossible. By then, a crowd gathered around me. I looked around and saw twice as many people through double vision. I tried once again to get up, but nothing happened!
Why does this not hurt?
I looked down at my body, and saw my appendages drooping like spaghetti. My limp noodle arms floated across the murky water, alongside the coy. Friends rushed over to help me out of the pond, but my feet did not seem to work. I could not move, or hardly even talk. I just laid motionless in the pond, staring up at my friends like a lifeless pile of Jell-O asking, "Am I okay?" Everyone just stared. That's when the fear hit me. I was damaged goods. I must be paralyzed! The combination of fear and adrenaline that shot through my veins nearly made me vomit. The only ones more frightened than I was, were probably the fish.
My whole life, I have never been one to take many risks. I always saw myself as a quiet, introspective child, always taking unnecessary percussion to avoid injury. Often times I would shy away from even potentially dangerous actives. Who knows, I could turn a corner and come face to face with an eighteen wheeler driven by some guy on his cell phone, or get gunned down for a gang initiation, or spontaneously combust! I was neurotic. Then suddenly, like some self fulfilling prophecy, I have been granted what I have always feared the most. Would forever be condemned this numb existence?
Then the tangling of a million tiny, black ants began at my toes. They kept crawling, marching up my legs towards my hips. The brigade grew into a colony as the ants stopped onward, past my stomach and into my hands. I could feel the little buggers nibbling at my fingertips, crawling under my shirt and up my back until my whole body felt infested with these tiny, crawling superorganisms. Then suddenly, they vanished.
I could feel the water and my wet clothing as they clung to my skin. I sensed the cold. Oh, how I missed the cold. Muscles contracted and ligaments bent as I soon possessed the strength to lift myself out of the pond. My thighs and biceps did their job as I pushed myself to a standing position. I can stand!
Then like some overjoyed birthday clown, I let out the most uproarious laugh. I thought of how funny I looked slipping into that Koi pond. I kept laughing. I laughed because it was the only way to deal with the fear and pain of my injury. It was then that a realization hit me like a bolt of lighting. I learned how wrong I was. Life is precious, and though there may by over six billion of us living, breathing, hearts pounding and only inches from death, this life was mine and I only get one, so I should make the best of it.
Life can end without warning, and that scares me more than anything. For this reason, I laugh. Maybe the impact shook something loose, rendering me not quite right, or perhaps it granted me a freedom from fear that can only be cured through laughter. It was that night where I found my life's philosophy, my purpose, my reason to spread awareness and the solutions to my fears of death-comedy.