Does my essay thoroughly answer the prompt?
Prompt: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
I used to believe that everyone lived the same lifestyle as I do. Growing up, I had everything I wanted. Piled presents beneath the tree on Christmas morning, newly stacked clothes for a new school year, lunchables in a shiny pink lunch pail, and homework assistance within arm's reach.
One evening, my mother invited my playmate from next door to join us for dinner. She sat down and asked what we were eating. "Shrimp," I said darkly. "I hate shrimp." Her eyes grew wide and her mouth dropped in bewilderment. Perplexed, I couldn't comprehend why my words had provoked such a strong response.
I lived in the International Baccalaureate bubble during my first two years of high school. My understanding was that all individuals were capable of making informed decisions. The ones who didn't, seemed shortsighted. Looking back, I was completely oblivious to the diverse circumstances around me.
I recall a moment after school when I was tutoring algebra to a timid freshman girl. As I explained binomial factoring, she caught on exceptionally fast. Examining her progress reports, I noticed the missing homework assignments. It was evident that accessing help was a challenge. As it turns out, her parents worked night shifts, and her shyness prevented her from approaching teachers with questions.
She asked me about my academic situation. Informing her of my involvement in the International Baccalaureate program, her interest in academia grew immediately. In reality, she had no prior knowledge of this program. I was awakened by the reality that many do not receive the same opportunities as I do. Information is not always present for students due to underlying reasons. As a result, many are incapable of reaching their full potential.
Her circumstances allowed me to realize that there are many other individuals in society who are caught in the same situation. With very limited access to opportunities and information, it is difficult for them to move forward towards success. As a learned individual, it becomes my responsibility to commission my knowledge for those who are at a disadvantage.
I am no longer content with living a privileged lifestyle myself. Instead, I am seeking success beyond my personal world. The future of society depends on those who are capable of effectively projecting their ideas and utilizing their talents and skills. It is my dream to find a solution to maximize the potential of each individual which in return, will benefit and strengthen society as a whole.
I aspire to pursue coursework and experience in communications that will allow me to eliminate the barrier between the disadvantaged and their success. I hope to build personal relationships with individuals to understand their weaknesses, alleviate their suffering and change their role in society. I am eager to use my college education and experience to empower my community, one person at a time.
How is this essay? Any criticism/editing is appreciated. Thanks!
Prompt: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
I used to believe that everyone lived the same lifestyle as I do. Growing up, I had everything I wanted. Piled presents beneath the tree on Christmas morning, newly stacked clothes for a new school year, lunchables in a shiny pink lunch pail, and homework assistance within arm's reach.
One evening, my mother invited my playmate from next door to join us for dinner. She sat down and asked what we were eating. "Shrimp," I said darkly. "I hate shrimp." Her eyes grew wide and her mouth dropped in bewilderment. Perplexed, I couldn't comprehend why my words had provoked such a strong response.
I lived in the International Baccalaureate bubble during my first two years of high school. My understanding was that all individuals were capable of making informed decisions. The ones who didn't, seemed shortsighted. Looking back, I was completely oblivious to the diverse circumstances around me.
I recall a moment after school when I was tutoring algebra to a timid freshman girl. As I explained binomial factoring, she caught on exceptionally fast. Examining her progress reports, I noticed the missing homework assignments. It was evident that accessing help was a challenge. As it turns out, her parents worked night shifts, and her shyness prevented her from approaching teachers with questions.
She asked me about my academic situation. Informing her of my involvement in the International Baccalaureate program, her interest in academia grew immediately. In reality, she had no prior knowledge of this program. I was awakened by the reality that many do not receive the same opportunities as I do. Information is not always present for students due to underlying reasons. As a result, many are incapable of reaching their full potential.
Her circumstances allowed me to realize that there are many other individuals in society who are caught in the same situation. With very limited access to opportunities and information, it is difficult for them to move forward towards success. As a learned individual, it becomes my responsibility to commission my knowledge for those who are at a disadvantage.
I am no longer content with living a privileged lifestyle myself. Instead, I am seeking success beyond my personal world. The future of society depends on those who are capable of effectively projecting their ideas and utilizing their talents and skills. It is my dream to find a solution to maximize the potential of each individual which in return, will benefit and strengthen society as a whole.
I aspire to pursue coursework and experience in communications that will allow me to eliminate the barrier between the disadvantaged and their success. I hope to build personal relationships with individuals to understand their weaknesses, alleviate their suffering and change their role in society. I am eager to use my college education and experience to empower my community, one person at a time.
How is this essay? Any criticism/editing is appreciated. Thanks!