USMA app essay, why do you want to attend USMA and become an active duty officer

The United States Military Academy is a very prestigious school that offers many job opportunities and career options after graduating no matter what one's major is. It would be an honor to graduate from the United States Military Academy and become an Active duty Army officer. The full time staff and the like minded peer group are very attractive aspects of the academy. I excel when I have teachers who will be glad to answer any academic questions before or after class. I do very well in critical environments such as the military, I learned this when I went on a trip to Camp Lejeune and went through a Marine trainee experience. I am a very fast learner who adapts to different situations quickly and effectively as shown in my experience with a Sport Pilot certificate and numerous childhood sports. I am a very tentative student and will do my best with the intellectual and athletic peers one will find at the academy. Once graduated, I hope to become a pilot (fixed wing or rotary), which will easily be accommodated by the Army, more so than most of the other services. I have learned strong leadership traits from training and leading Alter Servers at St. Joseph's Catholic Church but I am a good follower as well. I have learned to take orders and criticism in a composed manner and never talk back from living in a military family. I really want to be part of something bigger, such as the United States Army as an active duty officer.

i like your essay. it includes all the necessary info.. you talked about the academy, then about your self and what you want to be. i think it's complete :)

I do very well in critical environments such as the military, and I learned this when I went on a trip to Camp Lejeune and went through a Marine trainee experience.

I am a very tentative --- tentative means something different... you mean attentive. But you used "I am a very" twice in a row, so that is too repetitive.

As a student, I will stay attentive and will do my best with...

Nice!! This will impress them. I suggest dividing it into a few paragraphs and ending the first paragraph with a thesis statement that sums up the main idea of the essay. You should feel confident, though!!