Hello!
I just finished my rough draft for my personal statement and would love some feedback. Here's the prompt:
In 300 to 500 words,
(1) Describe what led to your initial interest in the naval service and how the Naval Academy will help you achieve your long range goals, and
(2) Describe a personal experience you have had which you feel has contributed to your own character development and integrity.
And here is my essay. It's currently 430 words. I feel it's alright but can be better so any feedback would be greatly appreciated!
My father and his involvement in the Navy was the origin of my interest in the naval service. He never cared if I learned the strategies employed by John Boyd; rather he wanted me to genuinely understand what it meant to serve our country proudly. He succeeded instilling in me the values he learned as a part of the Navy. After doing some research, I discovered the Naval Academy is the epitome of a perfect school for me.
It has always been my dream to become an aerospace engineer and design military aircraft. Ever since I was a child playing with LEGOs I knew I wanted to build something greater than myself. Tying in my love for planes makes aerospace engineering ideal. Moreover, the opportunity to study aerospace engineering at the academy would provide a perfect gateway for me to pursue a career in naval aviation.
Not only that, I have always wanted to learn to fly. I took one flying lesson and was absolutely hooked; the prospect of being a pilot in the Navy excites me all the more. It is my ability to lead and excel under pressure that makes being a pilot perfect for me. I understand that I could seek admission to a university with an NROTC program, but it's the type of education that I will earn at the Naval Academy, a moral, mental and physical one, that makes me wish to attend.
This past fall, I had to take time off from school due to financial reasons. It is uncertain when I will be able to go back to school because of my family's ongoing struggle. I see this as an obstacle that I must overcome in order to live my life how I wish. Life is sitting in front of me right now, and I can choose to be stagnant and watch it pass me by, or I can choose to take life head on and live out all my dreams. I would rather choose the second option and this is why I currently have two jobs and am looking for a third. While challenging, I have learned to manage my time to include work, my social life, and all the other things a twenty year old does. It's because I have the desire to attend school that I am willing to do anything in order to do such.
Even though this was a fairly new struggle, I see how this even contributed to who I am as a person. It's ultimately taught me about what life is, overcoming obstacles and not letting them impede progress. Not only that, but the obstacles I faced taught me the importance of getting an education. Attending the Naval Academy will not be an easy task because of the demands physically, academically, mentally, and morally, but because I have learned how to overcome struggle, to persevere, I know I will be able to prevail.
I just finished my rough draft for my personal statement and would love some feedback. Here's the prompt:
In 300 to 500 words,
(1) Describe what led to your initial interest in the naval service and how the Naval Academy will help you achieve your long range goals, and
(2) Describe a personal experience you have had which you feel has contributed to your own character development and integrity.
And here is my essay. It's currently 430 words. I feel it's alright but can be better so any feedback would be greatly appreciated!
My father and his involvement in the Navy was the origin of my interest in the naval service. He never cared if I learned the strategies employed by John Boyd; rather he wanted me to genuinely understand what it meant to serve our country proudly. He succeeded instilling in me the values he learned as a part of the Navy. After doing some research, I discovered the Naval Academy is the epitome of a perfect school for me.
It has always been my dream to become an aerospace engineer and design military aircraft. Ever since I was a child playing with LEGOs I knew I wanted to build something greater than myself. Tying in my love for planes makes aerospace engineering ideal. Moreover, the opportunity to study aerospace engineering at the academy would provide a perfect gateway for me to pursue a career in naval aviation.
Not only that, I have always wanted to learn to fly. I took one flying lesson and was absolutely hooked; the prospect of being a pilot in the Navy excites me all the more. It is my ability to lead and excel under pressure that makes being a pilot perfect for me. I understand that I could seek admission to a university with an NROTC program, but it's the type of education that I will earn at the Naval Academy, a moral, mental and physical one, that makes me wish to attend.
This past fall, I had to take time off from school due to financial reasons. It is uncertain when I will be able to go back to school because of my family's ongoing struggle. I see this as an obstacle that I must overcome in order to live my life how I wish. Life is sitting in front of me right now, and I can choose to be stagnant and watch it pass me by, or I can choose to take life head on and live out all my dreams. I would rather choose the second option and this is why I currently have two jobs and am looking for a third. While challenging, I have learned to manage my time to include work, my social life, and all the other things a twenty year old does. It's because I have the desire to attend school that I am willing to do anything in order to do such.
Even though this was a fairly new struggle, I see how this even contributed to who I am as a person. It's ultimately taught me about what life is, overcoming obstacles and not letting them impede progress. Not only that, but the obstacles I faced taught me the importance of getting an education. Attending the Naval Academy will not be an easy task because of the demands physically, academically, mentally, and morally, but because I have learned how to overcome struggle, to persevere, I know I will be able to prevail.
