I feel that the essay still needs improvement. Any constructive criticism would be much appreciated!
Prompt: Mason's community is comprised of authors, scholars, scientists, inventors, athletes, artists, and innovative thinkers. Focusing on your leadership experiences and extracurricular activities, describe how you would lend your voice to Mason's Class.
Essay : As I steadily stepped up to take the next order, a young girl wearing soccer cleats ran up to the counter. By the look of sweat running down her face, I could tell she had just finished her soccer match.
"I want a vanilla dipped waffle-cone with extra rainbow sprinkles, please!" the young girl exclaimed.
After I entered the order in the cash register and gave the change to the young girl, I graciously stated, "Vanilla dipped cone with extra rainbow sprinkles, coming right up!" As I grabbed the waffle-cone and started to gradually turn the handle on the vanilla machine, I heard a loud thump.
"What happened to the machine?" my co-worker Jake called.
"I think we are out of vanilla ice cream" I replied anxiously.
I hurriedly walked to the cooler located at the back of the store and checked to see if there was any vanilla left. After I found no signs of any vanilla, I went back to the lobby and asked Jake, "Did you forget to remove the ice cream from the freezer and store it in the cooler?"
Jake fairly admitted, "There weren't any customers during the morning, so I wasted time by playing the new release of 'Angry Birds' on my phone."
When I apologized to the little girl and other incoming customers that we had ran out of vanilla ice-cream, I noticed the look of fluster on their faces. In particular, the little girl started to cry heavily. As some of the customers started to head out front door, I realized that I had to satisfy the customers by not ruining their nights. So I stopped the several customers that were heading to the exit door by handing them a coupon which allowed them to receive any free ice cream. Suddenly their grim faces transformed to a smirk as they thanked me.
The next day when the manager Chris heard about the incident, he yelled at Jake, "How many times have I told you to remove the ice cream from the freezer and store it in the cooler!"
During the next few weeks, I worked extra tedious hours alongside Jake in order to help him gain back the trust of Chris, the manager. I guided Jake through the daily work procedures by providing him a checklist of the procedures and advised him when he didn't carry out the procedures properly. Chris noticed the improvement in Jake's efficiency at work and eventually felt that Jake deserved to keep his job.
When I was faced with the challenge of helping the flustered customers and helping Jake keep his job, I reacted accordingly to both situations by using my leadership skills. Thus, I am positive that my leadership abilities will help me to become successful when I am faced with obstacles at George Mason University.
Prompt: Mason's community is comprised of authors, scholars, scientists, inventors, athletes, artists, and innovative thinkers. Focusing on your leadership experiences and extracurricular activities, describe how you would lend your voice to Mason's Class.
Essay : As I steadily stepped up to take the next order, a young girl wearing soccer cleats ran up to the counter. By the look of sweat running down her face, I could tell she had just finished her soccer match.
"I want a vanilla dipped waffle-cone with extra rainbow sprinkles, please!" the young girl exclaimed.
After I entered the order in the cash register and gave the change to the young girl, I graciously stated, "Vanilla dipped cone with extra rainbow sprinkles, coming right up!" As I grabbed the waffle-cone and started to gradually turn the handle on the vanilla machine, I heard a loud thump.
"What happened to the machine?" my co-worker Jake called.
"I think we are out of vanilla ice cream" I replied anxiously.
I hurriedly walked to the cooler located at the back of the store and checked to see if there was any vanilla left. After I found no signs of any vanilla, I went back to the lobby and asked Jake, "Did you forget to remove the ice cream from the freezer and store it in the cooler?"
Jake fairly admitted, "There weren't any customers during the morning, so I wasted time by playing the new release of 'Angry Birds' on my phone."
When I apologized to the little girl and other incoming customers that we had ran out of vanilla ice-cream, I noticed the look of fluster on their faces. In particular, the little girl started to cry heavily. As some of the customers started to head out front door, I realized that I had to satisfy the customers by not ruining their nights. So I stopped the several customers that were heading to the exit door by handing them a coupon which allowed them to receive any free ice cream. Suddenly their grim faces transformed to a smirk as they thanked me.
The next day when the manager Chris heard about the incident, he yelled at Jake, "How many times have I told you to remove the ice cream from the freezer and store it in the cooler!"
During the next few weeks, I worked extra tedious hours alongside Jake in order to help him gain back the trust of Chris, the manager. I guided Jake through the daily work procedures by providing him a checklist of the procedures and advised him when he didn't carry out the procedures properly. Chris noticed the improvement in Jake's efficiency at work and eventually felt that Jake deserved to keep his job.
When I was faced with the challenge of helping the flustered customers and helping Jake keep his job, I reacted accordingly to both situations by using my leadership skills. Thus, I am positive that my leadership abilities will help me to become successful when I am faced with obstacles at George Mason University.
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