My deadline for this supplement is today. Please critique my essay. I feel that my conclusion isn't strong enough, can anyone give me some suggestion to make the conclusion better??
Thanks very much!
Air conditioning, comfy bed, clean clothes, tasty food and my loving family, I had always taken all these wonderful things for granted until I traveled to Thailand for my sophomore year interim service program at my high school, HKIS. The Thailand Reefs to Rainforest program was adventurous, exploratory and fun; it was also highly instructive, as among the exploration of the dark and dangerous caves, snorkeling with sharks and kayaking through the river, I learned one of the most profound lessons of my life while serving one day on a remote, impoverished island village.
On our fourth day in Thailand, when everyone was exhausted from the thrilling exploration of the past few days, our Thai brothers, who were serving as our travel guides, decided to sail us to a remote island for a relaxing day. However, when we landed ashore, my first impression of the village was gross. There were ramshackle wooden huts with garbage scattered all along the beach shore, and the unbearable odor of excrement filled the place. I thought to myself "how is this relaxing?" as I sauntered disappointedly towards the village. Our Thai brother Song met us along the way and took us to visit a local primary school located near the sea side.
The primary school did not have walls, windows, blackboards or even chairs. But from the expressions of the little kids, surprisingly, I felt nothing but joy and satisfaction. For the rest of the afternoon, my friends and I spent most of our time teaching these little kids English and building a wooden hut. Gradually I began to forget about the uncomfortable atmosphere that had bothered me initially. On a personal level, I developed a really great friendship with a boy called Chart. Chart lost his left leg due to a sailing accident when he was twelve. Although he lost his leg, he did not become discouraged, and was still striving to achieve his dream- to become a doctor. Although there was a language barrier between us, it was not insurmountable, as through his drawings and his facial expressions, I could understand both his pain and dreams. His tenacity and innocence touched me deeply.
In the evening, we built a campfire near the beach. The whole village, which was about sixty people, gathered around the fire and started to dance. While I was dancing with the villagers, I pulled out Chart from the crowd and danced with him on my back. When I saw the smile on his face, I shed a few tears.
This one day service trip pushed me to step outside of my comfort zone and take initiative to help those less fortunate than I. There is no better feeling than knowing you've made a positive impact on another person's life. I now know it is my responsibility, due to all of the privileges I have been lucky enough to receive, to help those that have been less lucky. We may not be able to perfect the word in our lifetimes, but our efforts are surely greatly rewarded.
Thanks very much!
Air conditioning, comfy bed, clean clothes, tasty food and my loving family, I had always taken all these wonderful things for granted until I traveled to Thailand for my sophomore year interim service program at my high school, HKIS. The Thailand Reefs to Rainforest program was adventurous, exploratory and fun; it was also highly instructive, as among the exploration of the dark and dangerous caves, snorkeling with sharks and kayaking through the river, I learned one of the most profound lessons of my life while serving one day on a remote, impoverished island village.
On our fourth day in Thailand, when everyone was exhausted from the thrilling exploration of the past few days, our Thai brothers, who were serving as our travel guides, decided to sail us to a remote island for a relaxing day. However, when we landed ashore, my first impression of the village was gross. There were ramshackle wooden huts with garbage scattered all along the beach shore, and the unbearable odor of excrement filled the place. I thought to myself "how is this relaxing?" as I sauntered disappointedly towards the village. Our Thai brother Song met us along the way and took us to visit a local primary school located near the sea side.
The primary school did not have walls, windows, blackboards or even chairs. But from the expressions of the little kids, surprisingly, I felt nothing but joy and satisfaction. For the rest of the afternoon, my friends and I spent most of our time teaching these little kids English and building a wooden hut. Gradually I began to forget about the uncomfortable atmosphere that had bothered me initially. On a personal level, I developed a really great friendship with a boy called Chart. Chart lost his left leg due to a sailing accident when he was twelve. Although he lost his leg, he did not become discouraged, and was still striving to achieve his dream- to become a doctor. Although there was a language barrier between us, it was not insurmountable, as through his drawings and his facial expressions, I could understand both his pain and dreams. His tenacity and innocence touched me deeply.
In the evening, we built a campfire near the beach. The whole village, which was about sixty people, gathered around the fire and started to dance. While I was dancing with the villagers, I pulled out Chart from the crowd and danced with him on my back. When I saw the smile on his face, I shed a few tears.
This one day service trip pushed me to step outside of my comfort zone and take initiative to help those less fortunate than I. There is no better feeling than knowing you've made a positive impact on another person's life. I now know it is my responsibility, due to all of the privileges I have been lucky enough to receive, to help those that have been less lucky. We may not be able to perfect the word in our lifetimes, but our efforts are surely greatly rewarded.