I am applying for University of Virgina, in the Supplement, I am required to write two essays. Please help me to correct some grammar mistakes. Thank you a lot! Word count aroud 250.
1. We are looking for passionate students to join our diverse community of scholars, researchers, and artists. Answer the question that corresponds to the school you selected above. Limit your answer to a half page or roughly 250 words.
- College of Arts and Sciences: What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way?
My essay:
Violin Concerto in E Minor written by Mendelssohn has always been my favorite piece of music. This music surprised me in two ways: the beautiful melody and the innovative beginning.
The first time I heard the music was in a movie called "Together". A 13 years old boy couldn't find his father among numerous people, so he played the music in the train station. The boy played the music with tears all over his face, using the melody to ask his father to come back for a last goodbye.
The music was surprisingly beautiful. Staring at the screen that father and son crying together, I couldn't get the melody out of my mind. I successfully duplicated the music on my violin without a music sheet right after the movie. A charming music often has an orphean strain. Mendelssohn not only created it, but also kept it simple.
In the first few times of listening to the music, I was attracted by the music because it reminds me the touching scene in the movie. But the more I listen to it, the more attractive the music itself becomes. I gradually understood what caught my attention. It is the abnormal beginning: the concerto opens with an almost immediate entry of the solo violin, instead of an orchestra tutti. As a concertmaster of school orchestra, I instinctively favor violin solo. The dauntless beginning makes this concerto stands out from other concertos, surprising audience by the composer's novel idea of setting solo as a start.
Celebrated violinist Joseph Joachim commented this music "the most inward, the heart's jewel". I believe this concerto absolutely deserves this glorification.
2. Answer one of the following questions in a half page or roughly 250 words:
- What is your favorite word and why?
My essay:
Jade. This is my favorite English word. It is short and easy to pronounce, most importantly it has a story which meant a lot me.
One year ago, I was one of the two violinists sent by our school to participate in a festival that celebrates art among international schools in China. I did not study the second violin music at all because we were registered as first violinists. Unluckily, I was chosen to lead the second violin section. As a result, the practice was a nightmare.
The second day wasn't any better. I was panic and deeply stressed. I did not want to go to practice any more. Ms. Suri, the teacher from our school, came into my room. She started to chat with me randomly. In order to be polite, I pretended to be light-hearted. I asked, "I am looking for a good English name, do you have any idea that suites me?" She thought a little while, answered with a big smile, "What about Jade? It is a precious stone that Chinese wear a lot. And your music is beautiful like a jade!" I was so surprised how she turned the topic to our performance so sudden. "I went to your practice yesterday. I saw you worked so hard sitting in the second violin section. You are the leader so he might pick on you, but your performance is awesome! Like jade, as I said!" I couldn't say anything else, but felt confidence slowly fulfilled my chest. I gave her some snacks to show my thankfulness and went to the string band with a smile later.
"Your music is beautiful like a jade!" It keeps repeating to me, in the final performing night, in the days when I am upset. Jade becomes my favorite word, it will be my English name soon.
Thank you very much for your help!
1. We are looking for passionate students to join our diverse community of scholars, researchers, and artists. Answer the question that corresponds to the school you selected above. Limit your answer to a half page or roughly 250 words.
- College of Arts and Sciences: What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way?
My essay:
Violin Concerto in E Minor written by Mendelssohn has always been my favorite piece of music. This music surprised me in two ways: the beautiful melody and the innovative beginning.
The first time I heard the music was in a movie called "Together". A 13 years old boy couldn't find his father among numerous people, so he played the music in the train station. The boy played the music with tears all over his face, using the melody to ask his father to come back for a last goodbye.
The music was surprisingly beautiful. Staring at the screen that father and son crying together, I couldn't get the melody out of my mind. I successfully duplicated the music on my violin without a music sheet right after the movie. A charming music often has an orphean strain. Mendelssohn not only created it, but also kept it simple.
In the first few times of listening to the music, I was attracted by the music because it reminds me the touching scene in the movie. But the more I listen to it, the more attractive the music itself becomes. I gradually understood what caught my attention. It is the abnormal beginning: the concerto opens with an almost immediate entry of the solo violin, instead of an orchestra tutti. As a concertmaster of school orchestra, I instinctively favor violin solo. The dauntless beginning makes this concerto stands out from other concertos, surprising audience by the composer's novel idea of setting solo as a start.
Celebrated violinist Joseph Joachim commented this music "the most inward, the heart's jewel". I believe this concerto absolutely deserves this glorification.
2. Answer one of the following questions in a half page or roughly 250 words:
- What is your favorite word and why?
My essay:
Jade. This is my favorite English word. It is short and easy to pronounce, most importantly it has a story which meant a lot me.
One year ago, I was one of the two violinists sent by our school to participate in a festival that celebrates art among international schools in China. I did not study the second violin music at all because we were registered as first violinists. Unluckily, I was chosen to lead the second violin section. As a result, the practice was a nightmare.
The second day wasn't any better. I was panic and deeply stressed. I did not want to go to practice any more. Ms. Suri, the teacher from our school, came into my room. She started to chat with me randomly. In order to be polite, I pretended to be light-hearted. I asked, "I am looking for a good English name, do you have any idea that suites me?" She thought a little while, answered with a big smile, "What about Jade? It is a precious stone that Chinese wear a lot. And your music is beautiful like a jade!" I was so surprised how she turned the topic to our performance so sudden. "I went to your practice yesterday. I saw you worked so hard sitting in the second violin section. You are the leader so he might pick on you, but your performance is awesome! Like jade, as I said!" I couldn't say anything else, but felt confidence slowly fulfilled my chest. I gave her some snacks to show my thankfulness and went to the string band with a smile later.
"Your music is beautiful like a jade!" It keeps repeating to me, in the final performing night, in the days when I am upset. Jade becomes my favorite word, it will be my English name soon.
Thank you very much for your help!
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