While volunteering at hospital I got the chance to first-hand observe doctors in action

Hey all, first post here for me, just wondering if I could get some feedback on this secondary essay for a medical school I'm applying to:

What satisfactions do you expect to receive from your activities as a physician? (2475 characters limit)

While volunteering at the Hospital for Sick Children emergency department, I got the chance to first-hand observe doctors in action as they treated each child with great compassion and care. Families would come in with mothers in tears, children screaming, but more often than not, the end result was the same: a great grin on their face with the children's eyes sparkling. I can't imagine the sense of fulfillment and pride that fills the heart of the physician who was able to work with his patient through a tough time in their life and emerge with a second chance. As a physician, I hope to also take the same care of my patients as the doctors I saw at Sick Kids, and work with them through long-standing relationships as both a teacher and leader.

Whether it be volunteering as a visitor to seniors in a long-term care facility or helping ESL youth establish themselves in a new world, I've always loved working closely with people to help them through tough times. As a physician, I would get the chance to take this one step further and be more involved with others' lives, working hand-in-hand to fight against illnesses and help provide respite. I want to be remembered as a physician who not only evaluated their condition, but as one who was there every step of the way, compassionately reassured them through the process and gave it his all, holding nothing back.

I invite the excitement of every day being a new adventure with new patients to see and novel problems to face, which are intellectually challenging and test my critical thinking. I look forward to undertaking a lifelong learning experience where every day brings forth new questions to my mind promoting my search for the answers. There will be times where the best I can do will not be enough to save a life, but I see this as part of the learning process and I will do my best to learn from my experiences even in loss.

With each progressing step, I hope to incorporate new concepts skills that will help me take better care of my patients both mentally and physically while giving them the highest quality of life possible. I know that as a physician I would have the satisfaction of going home every night feeling that I made a significant impact on the quality of life for another individual by minimizing their suffering or potentially saving a life.

Thank you very much, any suggestions are welcome and appreciated :)

Prateek

What I got out of your essay was that your primary satisfaction is derived from the different facets you could apply your skills as a doctor or put another way, the diversity variety of patients. Is this the most rewarding aspect of being a doctor? What motivates you at the end of the day? (Are you not saving lives as well as reducing suffering and pain?) Put another way, I did not get any impression of you as a person, your feelings if any. Reflecting yourself as a human being in this essay will help engage the reader. I think it would be great to get a "feel" (pulse, heartbeat) of the person behind the essay (of nice-sounding generalities.) This is not meant to be discouraging or negative, just an effort to make your essay outstanding.

In addition, I used much of my free time to volunteering volunteer at organi zations where I got the chance to meet all sorts of unique people who came from various backgrounds, each with their own perspectives. As a physician, I would...

Though many careers do indeed offer these roles, what attracted me most to medicine was the many different facets variations a doctor could apply in her or his practice of medici ne.

You have some impressive experiences!

The great thing about becoming a physician is that there is so much out there to explore, even after you I graduate from medical school.

As such, I feel that I am prepared to commit...

awesome.. good luck!

Thanks guys for the feedback, I'll look to edit it a bit more and personalize it. I do agree it sounds a bit too mechanical right now

Very nice essay... but I have a comment:

I am a physician suffering from a chronic disease; so I am a patient as well. As a patient I will not accept a physician who tell me: I could not treat you but actually I've learned a lot from your case. And as a physician I will not be satisfy if I lose a life even if I learned something....I will feel satisfy if I save life and learn in the same time.

Good luck

Hey Khawater, thanks for reading and your reply :)

I guess what I was trying to show there was that, sometimes despite a physician doing his best to help someone, it may not be enough due to one reason or the other (There was no chance? Maybe he made a mistake?) And I was trying to say that, even moments like this will make a physician stronger in the future. Of course a physician wouldn't come right out and say that but it would be more of an internal transient thought. Maybe I wasn't too clear on that or perhaps I should maybe re-word it better?

Thanks!