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"Walk with me!" - Is this a good introduction U chicago?



success212 2 / 4  
Feb 19, 2011   #1
Salt, governments, beliefs, and celebrity couples are a few examples of things that can be dissolved. You've just been granted the power to dissolve anything: physical, metaphorical, abstract, concrete... you name it. What do you dissolve, and what solvent do you use?

Walk with me! First I need some tools to carve a small passage way to let you in, but I must warn you it might take a while being that I spent years, building this wall. As you can see it is built with the finest it is truly a master piece in its self. In my opinion if I had to choose between myself and Vincent van Gogh it would be extremely difficult. While Van Gogh created emotion and life with his fingertips a brush and paint and when he was done with one painting he moved on to the next. while I on the other hand built a wall and kept on building with natural ingredients, sweat, heartbreaks, scars, pain, memories, strength from "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". While I prepare for your arrival, I suggest you also prepare yourself for an episode or should I say an adventure that will leave you to interpret and question yourself.

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Feb 19, 2011   #2
I think the concept you have come up with is quite clever. It really shows how much thought you have put into writing this essay good job. there were a few grammatical errors but overall its a well written essay, just be sure to fix the errors.
EF_Susan - / 2310  
Feb 26, 2011   #3
Let's change "being that" to simply "because"...

First I need some tools to carve a small passage way to let you in, but I must warn you it might take a while being that I spent years, building this wall. As you can see it is built with the finest materials and is truly a master piece in its self itself.

... from, "What doesn't kill you...

I like the way you write!!


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