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Are my Waterloo AIF essays all over the place? Any criticism is welcome.



catmir 1 / -  
Jan 6, 2016   #1
Please tell us about your educational goals, your interest in your chosen program(s), and your reasons for applying to the University of Waterloo. If you have applied to more than one program please discuss your interest in each program. (900 character limit)

Born to a family of farmers struggling to make ends meet, my father was still able to secure a scholarship to the top engineering school in Bangladesh, BUET. What inspires me most about my father's journey out of poverty is the fact that he was able to do so in spite of the energy crisis that has always plagued much of the third world.

I've applied to electrical engineering because the electricity sector as it relates to the energy crisis interests me in particular. One of the massive selling points of Waterloo is obviously its coop program. Waterloo is also renowned for its excellence in innovation. Engineering is based on the concept of creating innovative solutions to various problems. So it wasn't much work putting two and two together - if I wanted to learn how to create innovative technologies to solve major world issues like the energy crisis, Waterloo would be the place to be.

Briefly explain why you are interested in engineering and particularly in the program to which you have applied. Comment, for example, on your interests and abilities; your career goals; exposure to engineering through school-related and other experiences; and discussions you have had with engineers, teachers, current or past Waterloo students. (900 character limit)

There is no limit to what can be achieved when you combine modern engineering principles with human resourcefulness. Masdar City is a testament to that. The city is powered fully by renewable energy, and after returning from a school trip there I had no doubt in my mind that this is what I wanted to dedicate my life to. A renewable energy future.

I chose electrical engineering for myriad reasons. My early exposure to it through my dad is one of them. Electricity has fascinated me ever since he took me to work when I was little to show me how substations generated electric power. The other reason is one that strikes close to home. Lack of electricity in developing nations like Bangladesh is a massive barrier to overcoming poverty. As a citizen of the country I feel that it is my imperative to help alleviate this crisis and using renewable energy is an effective way of doing so.

justivy03 - / 2265  
Jan 6, 2016   #2
Sadat, I'd like to share my thoughts and remarks on your essay.

1st essay

- What inspires me the most about my

- I've applied to electrical engineering becauseas the electricity
- sector as it relates to the energy crisis, this draws my interests me in particular .
- One of the massive selling points of Waterloo is obviously its coop program.
- So it wasn't much work putting two and two together - ifThe decision was quick and in no doubt made, I wanted

There you have it Sadat, for the first essay, there is not much to change, just a few remarks, mainly in your choice of words, try to keep it formal while maintaining it's conversational nature in order to engage your readers particularly the admissions.

I will get back to you shortly for the 2nd essay. I hope my remarks helped.
justivy03 - / 2265  
Jan 6, 2016   #3
Sadat, below are my remarks for the 2nd essay.

2nd essay

- The city is powered fullysolely by renewable energy,
- and after returning from a school trip therecoming from a school trip from the Masdar City,
- I hadhave no doubt in my mind that this is what
- A renewable energy for the future.

- The otherOne more reason is one that strikes close to home.
- this crisis and usingthe use of renewable energy is an effective way of doing so.

There you have it Sadat, my final remarks for your essay,on this part, it's the structure of the sentences needs a little bit of enhancement or revision,

nevertheless, it's a good and well written essay that answers exactly what is asked of you, should you need further assistance do let us know.


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