Waterloo "reasons for choosing" essay - two portions answer

Question

1

Reasons for choosing your program and Waterloo

(*Required)

Please tell us about your educational goals, your interest in your chosen program(s), and your reasons for applying to the University of Waterloo. If you have applied to more than one program please discuss your interest in each program. (900 character limit)

To discuss my reasoning, I have to divide my answer into two portions, those being a social portion and an educational or personal portion. Concerning social matters, my country, Egypt, has some problems in power generation and efficient management of electricity, and is now rebuilding and reworking these facilities. I intend to play a role in this process. That's why I want to recieve a high quality education which I believe exists in the University of Waterloo, which graduated great minds such as Dr. Vasudev Kalkunte Aatre the brilliant electrical engineer. Concerning the personal side, for me scientific research, whether practical or theoretical, has always been my biggest interest. For this reason I have worked on numerous projects and papers in my school and I hope entering Waterloo will help me in continuing this passion

Hi
Here are some mistakes I spotted :
Recieve misspelled should be receive
A high quality should be a high-quality( adjective )
Me scientific research should be my scientific research.
You should add a comma after the name (Dr. Vasudev Kalkunte Aatre ).
Another comma after For this reason.

I hope this was helpful.

Eiad, since you did not really mention what your chosen major is, when you were required to present it, the discussion you presented is not very good in terms of delivering on the information expectation of the reviewer. Before presenting the electrical problem in your country, you first have to mention what your major is and then relate the major to the problem your country is experiencing. You will need to revise the content of the essay in order to include the reference to your choice of major and most likely, limit the personal reason for choosing this major. After all, the personal side is not a required response in the essay.

Provided that you represent the response for the educational goal, interest in your chosen program, and reason for choosing Waterloo, your response will be more than acceptable. It will not be acceptable to the reader if there is one component of the prompt that is missing from the essay because you chose to discuss a topic that is not required of you.

In my opinion, you should remove the social matters reference, as well as the personal side. Improve the side about you wanting to help your country by mentioning your chosen major and what role you hope to play after graduation. That is required information that you forgot to include. Basically, I think you need to write a new statement. One that better addresses the prompt requirements alone and does not deviate by presenting unnecessary information to the reviewer.

Thanks you, Sal, and Holt for your answers. I have began rewriting the essay and I was hoping you'd give me your feedback just to make sure I'm on the right track, unlike last time.

Sal, you mention that you observed the campus activities via its staff, students, and alumna. It stands to reason that you have actually visited the campus. Am I right? If you did, then this answer is on the right track. You just have to mention that you actually visited the campus and when. Based upon those observations, you can expand the information in your essay to become specific to each point that you mentioned. That will in turn, create a highly informed idea o f the reasons behind your decision to apply to the university. While you do have a character limit, you have to be specific with your reasons. You cannot just enumerate reasons without basis. The reviewer wants to know if you have actual knowledge about the university and how that has influenced your choice. Try to deliver a more specific response with the next version.

Don't tell the reviewer that you have not visited the campus and that your information is based on research. Most specially, do not follow it up with such a generic discussion of the university attributes and offerings. It sounds like you just took the information from the website. The last thing that you want to do in this statement is sound mechanical. The last half about how Waterloo can help you achieve your goals is close enough to responding to the prompt requirement. You just need a better sounding reason for applying to Waterloo. Just talk about how you hope to use the Co-Op to help you gain work experience while earning a degree. Give a short explanation as to how you plan to use that to your benefit. Combined, the information should be enough to justify your educational goals and interest in enrolling at Waterloo. It will remove the mechanical nature of the response you posted above.

So, should I remove all the other reasons and focus on co-op only, or should I find better reasons that don't sound like copy-pastes? Also, is the part about my country elaborate enough or do you think it needs modifications? Thanks in advance

Yes, remove all other references except for the Co-Op. This is a character limited essay so you should remove all irrelevant references in order to allow you to better develop the pertinent and required information of the prompt. The Co-Op response will more than deliver on the required reason for applying to the university. There is no reason to add information to that part because you were not able to personally visit the university. Without the personal observation, everything else will just be a cut and paste of generally known information which will not help increase the relevant information you are presenting in the essay.

In the paragraph that makes reference to your country, remove the parenthesis about the rest of the world. This is a formal academic statement and the way that statement comes across is too informal. Besides, this is a college application, not a masters degree application. So it would be best to keep the focus on your country for now. You can focus on the world in your advanced studies. If you can though, using the free character space, give an overview of how you hope to contribute to the country after your studies. That will respond to the academic / educational goal of your studies.

Thanks a lot for your patience with me :D Writing isn't really my strong suit but I try to be persistent. I don't think there is need to post a revised version, since the only edits are removals