" Wearing my favorite Abercrombie shirt, while listening to a Black Eyed Peas song on my iPod nano, I stepped out of the Philippine airport (with my Skechers shoes on) only to realize that I was an alien in a place that I considered my home.
I was 10 years old when my parents, without warning, popped the single most life-changing statement ever uttered: "We're going to Hawaii!" I was taken aback. Our family had neither the money nor the time to spend for sipping pineapple juice in sunny Hawaii. It was then that I realized that the trip would not be for vacation but rather, migration. Assimilation to Hawaii's local culture was fast and easy. In a year, I rid myself of my accent and spoke almost-perfect English. By my second year, I could tell apart a wahine from a kane and could easily locate where Secret's Beach is, the clandestine surfing spot for locals. In fact, the "fresh off the boat" immigrants from the Philippines assumed that I was locally born. Surprisingly, I was flattered."
This is the beginning part of my essay. I don't think it's good enough, though. The topic is somewhat overused and the writing is so-so. What do you guys think? Should I just start over with a different topic?
I was 10 years old when my parents, without warning, popped the single most life-changing statement ever uttered: "We're going to Hawaii!" I was taken aback. Our family had neither the money nor the time to spend for sipping pineapple juice in sunny Hawaii. It was then that I realized that the trip would not be for vacation but rather, migration. Assimilation to Hawaii's local culture was fast and easy. In a year, I rid myself of my accent and spoke almost-perfect English. By my second year, I could tell apart a wahine from a kane and could easily locate where Secret's Beach is, the clandestine surfing spot for locals. In fact, the "fresh off the boat" immigrants from the Philippines assumed that I was locally born. Surprisingly, I was flattered."
This is the beginning part of my essay. I don't think it's good enough, though. The topic is somewhat overused and the writing is so-so. What do you guys think? Should I just start over with a different topic?