Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
My ancestral home is in a tiny place called Manipal located on the western coast of India. Sixty years ago Manipal was a remote hamlet but now it is a vibrant student town with medical and engineering colleges that attract students from all over the world.
I found it hard to believe that the state of the art hospitals and colleges were built in what was once a desolate outcrop. My grandmother proudly told me that she helped build the hospital by being part of a volunteer group which would, after school, help carry sand and stones from the storage yard to the construction site.
I was intrigued and filled with pride as the Hospital Project was the brain child of my great grand uncle, Dr. T.M.A. Pai.
Dr. T.M.A. Pai sought to establish a medical college and a hospital in Manipal. In the early 1950, when the country was celebrating only its third year of independence, Manipal was as bucolic as you could imagine. The town did not even have a secondary school and its healthcare system consisted of a paltry, rundown clinic. The very idea of a small hospital, let alone a private medical college in Manipal was laughable.
Unsurprisingly, when Dr. Pai sought aid from the Cabinet Health Minister, the politician dismissed his idea with a simple yet emphatic "You must be mad!"
Undaunted by this humiliating remark, Dr. Pai devoted himself to breathing life into his vision.
After exhausting nearly his entire life savings and soliciting tremendous amount of support from friends and relatives, Dr. Pai established the Kasturba Medical College and Hospital. The hospital became the showpiece of Manipal boasting of technology and equipment that were scarcely imagined, let alone made available in the entire district.
A triumphant Dr. Pai requested the same skeptical Health Minister to inaugurate the college. Needless to say, the Minister couldn't believe his eyes at the sight of the institution. He claimed that the need of the hour was more "mad" people to make India a force to reckon with in the future.
As I grew older I thought a lot about Dr. Pai's life. How satisfying it must be to improve the quality of life of an entire township! How rewarding to empower a whole generation! When I was younger I admired the recognition brought by Dr. Pai to the family name. Now I realize that while his personal and professional accomplishments are enviable, it is the fact that Manipal, at all levels of society, is still reaping the rewards of his efforts that has convinced me to emulate his life. I decided to equip myself with the right education to help me give something back to the world that gave me a chance.
I am not too happy with the conclusion. Do I need to write more about my dreams and aspirations and less about my 'world'?
Also, does my first paragraph make a good introduction?
I would appreciate all comments!
tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
It really is a great essay, I agree! But don't forget this requirement above! You said very little about what fascinates you most, what area of expertise you will claim as your own and how you uniquely approach this field you are going to enter.
The trick is to add a sentence to the end of the 1st para, and let it be your most profound sentence, your most profound observation. Let it capture the central meaning of the essay. Then, use the conclusion to talk about it again. "It" has to be your clear vision of the future, complete with details about the specific work you will do. What kind of articles do you read, and what is going to be your specific approach you your chosen field. If it is hard to write about that, read some articles for inspiration!
:-)
