Hi, I'm applying to UF and I've written the following entrance essay. Any suggestions AT ALL would be greatly appreciated, don't worry you won't hurt my feelings :P
Additionally, I realized that I'm up to 500 words, and the word limit for UF is 450, so any suggestions on cutting irrelevant topics would be very much appreciated.
Thanks for your time.
Topic:
In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.
My Essay:
In my ninth grade year of high school, I came to a sudden and dramatic realization, one that set the tone for the rest of my high school career and, most likely, the rest of my life. What I came to understand was that real talent is nothing more than the culmination of hard work and determination and real prestige comes from the appreciation for that hard work and determination.
Ever since elementary school, art had been incredibly important to me. Back then, as I still do now, I enjoyed being able to create something visual that others could enjoy for its beauty. However, I personally had never believed I was a fantastic student, let alone a decent artist by any means, mostly due to the fact that I had always attended low income schools that averaged a C or worse as their school grade and had few, if any, art programs. I had always envied my friends who attended prominent 'A' schools in wealthy neighborhoods and had the opportunity to enjoy lucrative school programs. The concept of "bigger is better" was constantly being drilled into my head, the idea that unless you came from an affluent neighborhood and attended a prestigious school you were never going to grow up to be anyone even remotely important. Seeing myself in this situation, I came to honestly believe that I was just an average student, who should probably give up on his fictitious hopes of being an artist.
At the age of 15, I began attending Hallandale High School where I joined several clubs, among them, the school newspaper. The teacher in charge of the newspaper, Stephen Cravak, informed us that we would be attending the Florida Scholastic Press Association competition that year, and that everyone should compete in at least one category of their choosing. I decided to enter in the Advertisement competition, although I knew that my efforts would be largely in vain against the hundreds of other better-equipped and wealthier schools. I spent the following weeks working, editing, and reediting my entry for the competition, hoping that it would at least look acceptable.
The day of the competition finally arrived. And I submitted my piece among the hundreds of other entries from different schools. I attended the rest of the convention, becoming increasingly less and less sure of my submission, until the point where I was absolutely sure I had made a mistake even entering it. After all, why should this time be any different from the rest? Hallandale High was just another small, "C" grade school whose academic programs paled in comparison with that of bigger schools like Cypress Bay High and Coral Glades High. I was reliving my early childhood all over again.
Then on the final night of the convention, when the awards were distributed, something incredible happened to me: I won 2nd place for my entry. Additionally my fellow teammate Darrell won 1st place for his advertisement entry. Together, we had surpassed the hundreds of submissions from larger and more prosperous schools hailing from all over the state of Florida.
I finally realized, that it wasn't how wealthy your neighborhood was, what opportunities you were given, or what school you attended that determined how much talent and importance you had, but rather, it was how much work you were willing to put in that determined what you were going to get out of it.
Since that day, I always make sure to put in as much effort as I possibly can into whatever situation I encounter. And I fully plan to apply the same principle to supporting UF and the surrounding campus community as a determined and hardworking individual. My experience has taught me what it truly means to be proud of where I am, and to hopefully be able to exert my full capabilities into making the University the best possible place it can be.
Additionally, I realized that I'm up to 500 words, and the word limit for UF is 450, so any suggestions on cutting irrelevant topics would be very much appreciated.
Thanks for your time.
Topic:
In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service.
My Essay:
In my ninth grade year of high school, I came to a sudden and dramatic realization, one that set the tone for the rest of my high school career and, most likely, the rest of my life. What I came to understand was that real talent is nothing more than the culmination of hard work and determination and real prestige comes from the appreciation for that hard work and determination.
Ever since elementary school, art had been incredibly important to me. Back then, as I still do now, I enjoyed being able to create something visual that others could enjoy for its beauty. However, I personally had never believed I was a fantastic student, let alone a decent artist by any means, mostly due to the fact that I had always attended low income schools that averaged a C or worse as their school grade and had few, if any, art programs. I had always envied my friends who attended prominent 'A' schools in wealthy neighborhoods and had the opportunity to enjoy lucrative school programs. The concept of "bigger is better" was constantly being drilled into my head, the idea that unless you came from an affluent neighborhood and attended a prestigious school you were never going to grow up to be anyone even remotely important. Seeing myself in this situation, I came to honestly believe that I was just an average student, who should probably give up on his fictitious hopes of being an artist.
At the age of 15, I began attending Hallandale High School where I joined several clubs, among them, the school newspaper. The teacher in charge of the newspaper, Stephen Cravak, informed us that we would be attending the Florida Scholastic Press Association competition that year, and that everyone should compete in at least one category of their choosing. I decided to enter in the Advertisement competition, although I knew that my efforts would be largely in vain against the hundreds of other better-equipped and wealthier schools. I spent the following weeks working, editing, and reediting my entry for the competition, hoping that it would at least look acceptable.
The day of the competition finally arrived. And I submitted my piece among the hundreds of other entries from different schools. I attended the rest of the convention, becoming increasingly less and less sure of my submission, until the point where I was absolutely sure I had made a mistake even entering it. After all, why should this time be any different from the rest? Hallandale High was just another small, "C" grade school whose academic programs paled in comparison with that of bigger schools like Cypress Bay High and Coral Glades High. I was reliving my early childhood all over again.
Then on the final night of the convention, when the awards were distributed, something incredible happened to me: I won 2nd place for my entry. Additionally my fellow teammate Darrell won 1st place for his advertisement entry. Together, we had surpassed the hundreds of submissions from larger and more prosperous schools hailing from all over the state of Florida.
I finally realized, that it wasn't how wealthy your neighborhood was, what opportunities you were given, or what school you attended that determined how much talent and importance you had, but rather, it was how much work you were willing to put in that determined what you were going to get out of it.
Since that day, I always make sure to put in as much effort as I possibly can into whatever situation I encounter. And I fully plan to apply the same principle to supporting UF and the surrounding campus community as a determined and hardworking individual. My experience has taught me what it truly means to be proud of where I am, and to hopefully be able to exert my full capabilities into making the University the best possible place it can be.
